Why Shouldn't I Get An Abortion ? Posted: 06-20-07 11:54am
all the people are in my face telling me
how wrong abortions are. its killing
babies. its not like i think its right but
i feel like i have no choice. So i'm 19
years old & 14 weeks pregnant...didn't see
that one coming. & i really don't know
what to do & am willing to get advice from
anyone. So PLEASE leave some, but i know
in the end the decision is all mine. Well
here is the story.... a few months ago i
had a one night stand (bad call) with
someone who i didnt know as well as i
should of. I took the morning after pill,
but of course im part of that 10% that it
doesnt work for. The guy, well he is a
meth-addict, alcoholic, cocaine-addict &
the list goes on....i was not quite aware
of this when i slept with him. but he has
gone to rehab since & is now clean, &
doing really awesome. but i would think
that having all that in his system at the
the time the baby was concieved would
create like bad chromosomes or
something...on top of that i took the
morning after pill, which hurts the baby.
& like a month after becoming pregnant
(keep in my mind i just found out i was
pregnant like 3 days ago) i became very
ill & went to the hospital & had to get my
tonsils out. this whole time i was on very
heavy painkillers like kodine, vikadin &
percaset. which can all be very damaging
to a baby. so a) my baby is probably sick
b) i would have to raise the baby all
alone & go through the pregnancy alone. i
know this because i already have a very
bad relationship with my parents & know
100% that they would not be apart of it,
they have told me in the past if this
situation were to occur they would not
call me their daughter. c) i have no
money. i dont believe abortions are right.
but i feel like i have no choice. my life
already is hard enough & i already had
trouble getting up in the mornings & now
being pregnant is just making it harder,
now i wake up & puke and then have to go
try & live my day. just worrying all the
time that someone will notice im pregnant.
im all alone & have no one to talk to
about this. Im not trying to complain
because my life, im sure, could be worse
(knock on wood). but please, if you see a
feasible way that i could have this baby &
be relatively happy with my life. please
tell me. but for now i just really dont
think its possible...
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005 Posts: 8006 Location: Missouri, United States
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Posted: 06-20-07 12:04pm
well... i don't really know how much those
things would hurt your baby, i'm sure
someone on here could answer that part
though.
but if you really want this baby
then i think you can make it work. are you
afraid that you can't afford it? do you
have a job? you could apply for some sort
of benefits to help you out if you
really want to have this baby. there's wic
to help you with formula and other foods
as the baby gets older like juice and
cheese and milk, ect. im not sure what
else, im just giving you some of the
facts, because you sound like you're
resting on the fence here.
but if you do have an abortion, i hope
your parents come around. i can't imagine
making my daughter go through that alone.
i think you should think it through a
little more, 3 days isn't really that
long... and you don't seem very convinced
on what you want to do. good luck and keep
us posted please!
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sillyakchick
Supporter
Joined: 12 Apr 2007 Posts: 2690
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Posted: 06-20-07 12:15pm
It sounds like you already know the
answer, but you want to hear other people
say that you are not a bad person to think
this way. Well, I will tell you, you are
not a bad person for thinking this way.
In regard to your fear for fetal
abnormalities-The literature is out on the
effects of these drugs on sperm and
chromosomal abnormalities, but it would
appear from the literature that .L.S.D.
causes more chromosomal changes than do
other drugs. there is not much evidence
in regard to methamphetamine use by the
father and subsequent fetal abnormality.
Codeine, Vicodin, and Percocet, although
not ideal, do not cause a tremendous
amount of harm to a developing fetus. I
would think your greatest concern would be
for the anesthsia used during your
tonsillectomy. If you truly want to know
whether or not you fetus suffered any
harm, you might consider consulting an
obstetrical care provider, midwife, or
your local planned parenthood clinic for
better information than I can provide you
with on a health forum.
I am sorry for the stance your parents
have taken inregard to this issue, and I
can understand how stressful that must be
for you. I can tell you as a parent that
raising children is very difficult, and
although it is rewarding in the long run,
it is still difficult, even under the best
financial, social, and family situatioins.
Quite frankly, I just don't know how
single moms do it, and my hat goes off to
them.
So my advice is go and speak with a
planned parenthood counselor about your
cocerns, your medication use and your
surgery, the father's drug use, find out
what the issues are, the pro's and con's,
and go from there.
Best of luck to you, and remember, you are
certainly not a bad person for looking at
your situation realistically.
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Llewellyn
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 21 Jan 2007 Posts: 1743 Location: NY
Posted: 06-20-07 12:17pm
You're right that the baby certainly might
have something wrong with it. It is not a
guarantee, however.
If you want to have one night stands,
fine, but definitely make sure you use
protection in the future, not just for
pregnancy but also for STDs. Have you
been checked for STDs since then?
If you have no money, having a baby would
be very difficult. Not impossible, but
certainly difficult. It sounds like you
might not be able to give the baby
everything it deserves right now. If you
really want to try to have this baby,
however, you could always look into what
services you could get. You might be able
to make use of things like Planned
Parenthood, WIC, or welfare.
Either way, you have a tough decision to
make, and it will be a little bit of
gamble either way. You know more about
your life, so you'll be able to make this
decision better than we can. Think about
what is the most realistic option for you.
Think about all the things the baby would
need and whether you could provide those
things. Think about whether you would be
able to care for a child if the child had
a serious health issue or learning
disability.
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Jules
Moderator
Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 3743 Location: Merrie Englande, UK
Thanks: 72
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Posted: 06-20-07 13:23pm
My advice is to get to a doctor asap and
see if you can get an ultrasound. They
may be able to tell you if your baby has
any abnormalities from that (although the
foetal anomaly scan is usually done at 20
weeks in this country, I'm not sure about
where you are) and you will have a better
understanding of what you are dealing
with.
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Birch
Supporter
Joined: 07 Nov 2005 Posts: 3940 Location: Bliss,
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Posted: 06-20-07 13:27pm
xlostgirlx
wrote:
if you see a feasible way
that i could have this baby & be
relatively happy with my life. please tell
me. but for now i just really dont think
its
possible...
Oy vey, I'm sorry about your situation.
Your parents sound like awful, crappy
people, so why would you do anything to
please them?
If I were you, I'd hike it to a doctor,
who can tell you exactly what you're
dealing with.
As far as having the baby and being
happy...do you mean "keeping" the baby and
being happy? Because I think you could
have it, and adopt it, and be happy. It's
a compromise that might work for you.
If I were you, after going to the doctor,
I would emancipate myself from these awful
parents, move out (if you haven't already
done so), get a job, get hooked up with
social services, and live my life the way
I wanted to, regardless of if I kept the
baby or not.
I know it sounds hard, but I did the same
thing at your age, minus the pregnancy
aspect. I am much happier and healthier.
You can do it!!!
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Cambion
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 08 Nov 2005 Posts: 748
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Posted: 06-20-07 13:37pm
You already cannot afford a baby unless
you go on welfare/ssi/wic/public
assistance, and even in that case, you
still can't afford a baby because you're
making everyone else pay for it. Your
parents might soften up a little bit (most
do), but if you already have a bad
relationship with them, I tihnk the chance
of them following through with their word
would be a bit higher than normal. I also
don't think the baby daddy is going to be
showing up to deal with his kid,
either...besides, would you really want a
drug addict caring for your child?
Considering the drugs he put in him, I'm
shocked you conceived his child - drugs
like meth and cocaine damage sperm quite a
bit.
As far as the drugs/meds the fetus has
been exposed to, the least that could
happen is your child could end up addicted
to any of the drugs you mentioned
(codeine, vicodin, etc.) The anesthesia
could have caused problems as well (as
previously mentioned in another post); it
could easily have decreased blood and
oxygen flow to the fetus while you were
under, which could cause any number of
problems for the fetus (I'm sure you know
that oxygen deprivation, even for short
periods of time, can cause neurological
damage). I would venture to guess that,
due to daddy's drug use, he was probably
producing abnormal sperm - and if one of
the messed-up ones is what caused the
conception, this can also cause problems
in the fetus.
Reiterating llewellyn, have you been
checked for STDs? If you have a venereal
disease, you could easily pass it to your
child during birth. What if your child is
born with a defect of some sort -
something that may not be the result of
the exposure to the drugs? If you already
can't afford a normal, healthy baby, how
could you afford to care for a child with
a weak heart, down's symdrome, or mental
disabilities? Pregnancy - even when you do
everything right - is like spinning a
roulette wheel. Even if you're
extra-careful about how you treat your
body, you could still end up with a
screwed-up infant.
It really does not sound like it's a good
time in your life to be having a baby -
even if you direly want to have the child,
love alone doesn't pay for diapers,
formula, doctor visits, daycare, school,
and so forth. You definitely must consider
the child's needs first - wanting a baby
and having the ability (especially
financial) to properly care for it are two
different things, and it sounds like you
do not have the latter of the two.
If you are dead-set against abortion, I
strongly suggest considering adoption so,
in the event you still can't afford a
child by the end of your pregnancy, you
can give it a chance at a happy, healthy
life with people who can afford to care
for it. Doing so would not make you a bad
person - in fact, I think it would be far
more benevolent to give a child away so it
could possibly get adopted than to keep it
and let it be neglected when you know you
can't afford it.
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Carifairy
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2005 Posts: 2608 Location: Charlotte n.c.
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Posted: 06-20-07 14:21pm
I have had 3 abortions, my BC method
failed...
Why not have an abortion? Only if you do
not want one.
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mc4ever02
Supporter
Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
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Posted: 06-20-07 15:42pm
I am quite shocked that they performed
surgery on you without first doing a
pregnancy test. Here in the states, it is
mandatory for any woman of childbearing
age to have a pregnancy test before they
put you under. If they did a pregnancy
test and it was negative, you probably not
far enough along for their to be any
lasting damage. If that were the case you
probably would have miscarried shortly
after (that is a common occurrence). The
morning after pill will not effect the
health of an embryo. As for the meds that
you were on, though they are not ideal,
they can be prescribed in pregnancy if the
benefits out way the risks. The only way
to know if there is any damage to the baby
is to have a sonogram. I'm not sure where
you are, but many of the abortion clinics
in my area (fl) do a sonogram before an
abortion anyways.
You are in a difficult position. You
really need to think through all of your
options. The fact that you are here asking
us, leads me to believe that you have
doubts. I suggest that if you have any
doubts not to do it. Adoption may be an
option.
Regardless of your choice, you need to go
to a doctor. If you decide to keep the
child you should be under a dr care now.
And if you are going to terminate, you
still need to be under a dr's care.
Are you sure of how far along you are?
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 06-20-07 16:04pm
My advice? Ignore the people in your
face. They aren't you, they don't know
what it is like to be you.
What is obvious here is that you are in no
position to care for a baby. There is
nothing wrong with recognizing that and
acting based on that fact.
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jenn_smithson
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Nov 2004 Posts: 808 Location: Texas
Posted: 06-20-07 23:32pm
If you want to keep the pregnancy and
parent the resulting child, then that is
what you should do. Since this is your
body and your life, it's your choice to
make and no one else can tell you what to
do.
People have been getting pregnant
accidentally for a very, very
long time. Most people who are even alive
today are here because they were an
accident. There are only very few of us
who were planned. And, .women have been
having and raising children alone since
time began. Sucks, but very, very true.
If you really want to keep the pregnancy
and become a parent, then you will find a
way to do so. It won't be easy and you
may not have the kind of life that you
dreamed you would have when you got older.
You may have to work very, very hard
everyday for the rest of your life just to
make it work but if that's what you truly
want, because that's what it sounds like
you want, then the act of surviving and of
living with your decision will more than
likely instill in you pride and
contentment. Probably not day to day but
certainly when you look back on it. Women
have been able to do this for centuries
and you can too if it's what you really,
really want.
Why shouldn't you have an abortion? .because .y.o.u
don't want to. That's really all
the justification that you need.
Whatever you decide to do, you need to
seek medical care immediately and tell
them what you have posted here. You can
still have a healthy pregnancy, if that's
what you want, if you follow the doctor's
directions.
You said that rehab has helped the
"father," would it be possible for him to
pay you child support or to be more
involved? What about his parents and
family? Don't put yourself in a position
of depending on child support, but it is
an option if you can make it stick. Other
than that, there is temporary assistance
to needy families which will give you cash
allotments once you give birth, I believe,
but they do have a time limit on them so
you can only get them for so long before
you have to find actual work. You should
be able to find subsidized daycare.
Medicare will pay for your pregnancy, you
might want to save up a little bit of
money to pay for an epidural since
medicare, in certain states, does not
cover the cost of pain relievers for
childbirth. As has been posted, after the
birth .w.i.c will be available to you as
well as food stamps.
Do you have any plans to continue your
education? If you look long and hard
enough, you may be able to find
scholarships or special grants for people
with children. If you can't find any,
student loans are always an option. You
need to have an education if you choose to
keep the pregnancy and want any kind of
decent standard of living in the future
for you and your child. You can most
likely get your nursing degree in 2 years,
if that appeals to you, and nurses these
days make excellent money.
It would be ideal, should you choose to
keep the pregnancy, to try and work out
the differences you have with your
parents. I understand that sometimes that
is not possible but if you haven't truly
tried to yet, you may want to consider
giving it a chance. It would be best if
you could continue living with them and
have them supporting you while you get an
education.
Not to put anymore pressure on you than
you are already feeling but if you do
think you must have an abortion, if
you can find no viable alternative, then
depending on your state you are fast
approaching some very real legal
deadlines. You need to check your state's
requirements should you choose an
abortion.
A lot of people have been in your position
and have found ways to make it work. If
it's what you really want to do, you can
too.
