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Should you spank your child?

No, spanking is not an acceptable form of discipline

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Under some conditions, spanking is appropriate

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Total Votes : 39

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Spanking Posted: 06-22-07 06:58am


Is spanking an appropriate form of discipline for a child?

Mommy35

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Posted: 06-22-07 09:46am


This is a hard one. Remember this debates are based on opinions. I do think spanking is ok sometimes. Open handed on the butt with clothes on. No sticks, no paddles, no belts, nothing but an open hand!!!!! Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You should never spank a child if you are upset. This, in my opinion is how child abuse starts. A child should know up front what will get them a spanking, and it should be saved for the big offenses. If my child was told .Never .Never .Never go in the road, and if you do .I'm going to spank you. They go in the road, .I'm going to spank them. I like to use natural consequences as much as possible.

sillyakchick

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Posted: 06-22-07 09:55am


I will never ever spank my kids because if I am angry enough to do so, then I certainly should not do it. I would not do it after the fact because that's just weird to me. Also, I believe that spanking teaches kids that bigger peolpe win, and I would be afraid that I was helping my child learn to bully smaller peole. That's just my 2 cents. Interestingly, I have never felt like I had to spank my child.

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Posted: 06-22-07 10:14am


from my experience as a child and watching my aunt raise her children without hitting and also seeing my sister tap dalton on his hand so he would not pick something up. . .I'd have to say no.I was hit when I was a kid(granted that was the way things were back then) it made me want to rebell more,I even had the guts to hit my father back.All it does is teach kids violence.My sister taps dalton on his hand so now he thinks its ok to hit. he smacked me in my face once and I disciplined him without hitting him.my aunt raised her children without hitting them and they are for the most part very respectful. I think hitting sometimes,as bad as this sounds,is a way for parents to let their anger out(my opinion).

Mommy35

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Posted: 06-22-07 10:25am


.I could probably count on one hand the number of times .I had to spank my daughter, and it was for something serious or doing something so dangerous that death could have been the natural consequence for doing it (playing in the road, gravel pits, near the pond, etc). I was never angry when .I spanked. I did a lot of counts to 10, 20, 250. It was my just daughter and .I for a long time and .I remember asking her many times what she thought would be an appropriate consequence for ___ or ___. She was a lot harder on herself and gave harsher consequences than .I ever would have. I learned early on to not give a punishment when .I was upset. She knew up front what would get her a spank and she didn't do it...or didn't get caught.

sWeEtPeEwEe

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Posted: 06-22-07 10:26am


My opinion is that you should try to discipline them any other way possible first and then if that doesn't work then a spanking isn't bad at all. I'm not saying that you should start slapping your child in the face or anything like that, but a light slap on the butt or a small slap on the hand is definitely reasonable. Although you should explain to the child why they got slapped because if they are unaware then they won't learn from it, but just tell them they can't do whatever it was that they were doing. I know when my son had just turned two he went through a fase that he would slap people so to teach him that it was wrong i slapped him in the hand everytime that he slapped me and he would cry, so i would tell him that it isn't nice to hit and it doesn't feel nice just like it didn't feel nice for him to get slapped in the hand; and now he is a very nice boy that yes does sometimes have his fits but not everyday like osme children. Personally I find that if you ignore the child it works better than spanking them, because when my son is taking a fit i ignore him and he eventually gets embarassed and comes running to me saying sorry and hugging me.

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Posted: 06-22-07 10:38am

Mommy35 wrote:

If my child was told .Never .Never .Never go in the road, and if you do .I'm going to spank you. They go in the road, .I'm going to spank them.

The only time my mother ever spanked me, I had just run in the middle of the road. I was 3 or 4. Luckily it was a neighbor driving by and was watching out, or I would have been hit. I don't remember running in the road or almost being hit. But, I do remember my mom spanking me and then crying her eyes out. I look probably 4 times before I cross the road to this day.

kaerbear

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Posted: 06-22-07 11:44am


i got hit quite a bit when i was a kid and so did my partner. he actually was beaten pretty bad by his father. i just don't see us using spanking in raising our child. i think it is most often done out of anger and it teaches the child anger and resentment. i'm sure it works for a lot of people, it worked for me because i was afraid to do certain things because i didn't want to get spanked. i'm hoping to teach my child right from wrong without having them be afraid of me hurting them. even if it's a lot more work to discipline without physical punishment, i'll do it to save them the humiliation and shame it made me and my partner feel when we were children. discipline comes from the word disciple, which means to follow in someones footsteps and i firmly believe that modeling good behaviour is the most important part of discipline.

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Posted: 06-22-07 12:25pm


okay, here's an example. "what would you do" we were in the car (me, my cousin driving (the mom), and my 4 cousins, 3 of them being triplets.) we went through taco bell, and the triplets also had cereal to snack on on the way to another town to drop me off. karli got done eating her taco and got mad because she wanted another one and that she didn't want her cereal, so she started throwing it, then she was just whining and fake crying for about 10 minutes, and beth (the mom) told us to just ignore her ( ) so we did, and then she started screaming at the top of her lungs over and over again. My cousin told her "Karli, stop now or i'm going to pull this van over and spank you" (something i heard a lot as a kid ) and she didn't stop, she started throwing her cereal more, and screaming louder, and by this time i was seriously shaking because i was so worked up from it. eventually she climbed out of her car seat and wouldn't get back in and she was still screaming and throwing her cereal around, so beth pulled the van over and got her out layed her down on the seat and spanked her. ... and i watched i know that sounds harsh to say that i washed so happily, but mmmyyy gooooddd. she didn't do it hard or anything, but after the fact she picked karli back up to put her back in her car seat, and karli scratched the hell out of her neck and was kicking and screaming. (keep in mind that this girl is almost 5!!!!!!!) i'd never seen her act this way in my life. do you think she deserved a spanking? (you might not if you're just reading it, but i can promise you she did deserve it) my opinion is with cindy, only in major situations. i'm not going to use spanking as a regular form of punishment, but if something like that happens, it'll take everything i have not to spank their butt. this wasn't just a normal fit lol ok long sorry.

vanessalouanne

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Posted: 06-22-07 14:05pm


i think that as long as your not mad while doing it and explain why you are doing it to your child (the reason your getting a spanking is...) and you dont use too much force then it is an acceptable form of discipline. im back to my whole guideline as a parent which is consequences for your actions. now im not going to spank my child because she spilled her juice or was crabby when its nap time but i will do it to leave a long lasting impression ( like cindy said with the road) i believe that we learn best using all of our 5 senses (touch, sight ect) so why is it any different with discipline?

kaerbear

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Posted: 06-22-07 14:15pm


i understand that it works for some people and that's fine, i'm not trying to force my opinion on anyone. i just want to say that i am going to do everything in my power to parent without it. it's like, if someone ticks you off in life as an adult, you don't go up to them and hit them, neither should our justice system be doing that to us when we break the law or whatever. so i don't see why i would teach my child that that is an appropriate reaction to wrong behavoir. i would never expect anyone else to hit my child so i don't want to be the one person in the world that hits them. i want to be the person they can trust not to hurt them. i guess it depends on what you mean by hitting too. i got spanked and slapped on the back of the head and even one time across the face where it made my nose bleed, although it wasn't often. all i remember now was the hurt and shame it caused, not that i learned anything valuable from it.

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Posted: 06-22-07 14:32pm

kaerbear wrote:

i understand that it works for some people and that's fine, i'm not trying to force my opinion on anyone. i just want to say that i am going to do everything in my power to parent without it. it's like, if someone ticks you off in life as an adult, you don't go up to them and hit them, neither should our justice system be doing that to us when we break the law or whatever. so i don't see why i would teach my child that that is an appropriate reaction to wrong behavoir. i would never expect anyone else to hit my child so i don't want to be the one person in the world that hits them. i want to be the person they can trust not to hurt them. i guess it depends on what you mean by hitting too. i got spanked and slapped on the back of the head and even one time across the face where it made my nose bleed, although it wasn't often. all i remember now was the hurt and shame it caused, not that i learned anything valuable from it.

i think that's a really great way to put it "i don't want to be the one person in the world that hits them, i want to be the person they can trust not to hurt them"

i think that's a great way of looking at it and im sorry you had to go through that as a kid, i was going through something similar not too long ago so i can see where you're coming from. i hope one day i don't have to use spanking or scaring either.

vanessalouanne

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Posted: 06-22-07 14:43pm


i think there are proper ways of spanking without abuse or neglect and there are ways of it becoming abusive. i think its a fine line. I want my child to know that her best interest is always at my heart, which sometimes i think requires a form of discipline as dramatic as spanking.

Mommy35

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Posted: 06-22-07 14:47pm

vanessalouanne wrote:

i think there are proper ways of spanking without abuse or neglect and there are ways of it becoming abusive. i think its a fine line. I want my child to know that her best interest is always at my heart, which sometimes i think requires a form of discipline as dramatic as spanking.

Agreed 100%!!

What happened to you .Kaer, is unacceptable!! I also agree, and .I'm sorry you went through that. That isn't spanking because what a child did was very unsafe, that is plain and simple...abuse. It's an adults attempt to make you feel small and control you and that is wrong!!!!
Grrrr

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Posted: 06-22-07 17:15pm


I agree that under special circumstances, spanking is acceptable. I was spanked... once or twice as a child, and I honestly believe I deserved it. I don't remember what I did, but boy, was it bad, and I knew spanking was the punishment! I did it anyway... and my parents followed through on their threat. I think that is the key. If you say you're gonna do it, then the very first time the child warrants a spanking, do it. Then the child knows you're serious about it, and they'll take all other "lesser" punishments way more seriously too. They'll behave because they know that if they don't, the parent isn't going to wuss out: they will deliver the punishment, whether it's sitting in the corner or having the car pulled over, etc. Also, you need a hefty dose of "this is why I am punishing you". Totally. A child who understands is a child who will learn from their mistakes.

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Posted: 06-22-07 18:46pm


I was spanked and I don't think that it screwed me up or made me not love my parents. There are some things about spanking though that concern me. #1 If the parents don't have control of their emotions whenever they spank that could be very, very bad. Taking a few minutes to try and settle down first would help immensely. #2 If the parents don't reassure them of their love for the child. I think that many parents can make it worse if they don't show their child that they love them after they spank them. #3 If the parents only use spanking as a threat. It doesn't do any good if you don't spank them after the first time that they commit the offense. Telling Susy three times to stop and then spanking her shows her that she can get away with doing something bad for a little while. #4 If the parents don't institue preemptive measures. I think that from an early age parents should teach their child why they shouldn't do bad things. Telling your child they can't do something "because I said so" doesn't help train a child at all. Children should be trained before being disciplined. Spanking should be done promptly and consitantly. Otherwise it is senseless.

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Posted: 06-22-07 19:56pm


Oh totally. You've got to explain the rules. That was very important for me as a child.

kaerbear

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Posted: 06-22-07 21:53pm


i still love my parents too. i always have. i think kids almost always love their parents no matter what. that's why it can be so hard for them to understand why they are being hit and it can make it worse than being hit by someone you don't have those profound feelings for. i know there probably is a way to do it that will work for both parent and child but i think i can do it without resorting to that. that's my goal anyway.

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Posted: 06-22-07 23:36pm


I feel very, very strongly that spanking is never the right decision. If you are in a situation that you feel a spanking is in order, than you are the one who goofed up to get to that situation, and should spank yourself. This is coming from someone who is not a parent, though, so I'm sure I'll get bashed for it. (No pun intended.) However, it is coming from someone who was beat and abused as a child with many different devices for minor offenses and I'm here to tell you, although this was extreme, there is nothing like being utterly defenseless in the face of someone who is supposed to love you unconditionally while they are "spanking" you for something. Spanking, otherwise known as "hitting", models for your child that they are small and defensless and can be struck if they goof up. Humans are supposed to be intellectuals; hang up the paddles and straps and think your way out of it. Again, I don't have kids, but I'm absolutely certain that I would never, ever strike my child for any reason.

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to Spank Or Not to Spank! Posted: 06-23-07 00:01am


I say, Yes! Never ever do it in anger, or at your wits end! Give them ample warning, usually twice. And then, what I call, "The wake up call". A spank! "I warned you"! Not a spanking! Just one slap on the rear or upside the back of their head or shoulder. Depending on the age. It may have to be on the face if your dealing with an indignant 14 year old instead of a 4 year old. BUT, be very, very cautious where you hit! Shoulder and butt is good, upside the head is getting to close to the ears. But, generally by then your hand or knuckles is the one getting hurt on the wall becauase they know they have messed up and they're fast at escape. I wish, "Wait until your Dad gets home", worked. But, that's not fair either. On Dad that is! So my advice is, "don't sweat the small stuff". Life is truly too short!

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