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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006
Posts: 6220
Location: London, England
Thanks: 0
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Working Mothers Vs Stay-at-home Moms
Posted: 06-22-07 12:00pm
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Posted: 06-22-07 12:07pm
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I think this is a double edged sword.
I am a working parent. I have to be. I
own my home (or the bank and .I do). It's
expensive to live and .I like to have nice
cars, clothes, and .I like to have money.
Even with 2 incomes, we sometimes struggle
financially.
If .I could stay home and know that my
bills would be paid, even if .I had to cut
more corners, I would. I absolutely love
being at home with my baby! I had to work
when my daughter was young too. There
were so many firsts that .I had to miss.
I did my best to be there when .I could,
but .I missed so much that .I can never
get back.
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HcoBrunette06
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 06 Dec 2005
Posts: 8004
Location: Missouri, United States
Thanks: 0
Thanked:1
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Posted: 06-22-07 13:09pm
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yeah, i don't think either one is better
than the other. if you can afford to stay
home with your baby then great!
but my mom has worked 2 jobs my whole life
pretty much and has taught me that i have
to work for what i want and she's taught
me how to be strong in doing so, so i look
up to her for that 
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2268
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
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Posted: 06-22-07 13:18pm
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agreed.. if you have the means to stay
home with the baby then awesome but thats
usually unrealistic. as long as you make
time for your child and provide good care
for them then you do what you have to do.
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 10769
Location: ,
Thanks: 53
Thanked:35
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Posted: 06-22-07 13:26pm
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i don't really have an opinion because i
know people *have* to work.
i like to believe that all mothers would
love to stay home if they could.
i'm lucky enough that i can stay home, but
we've made a lot of sacrifices so i could.
i'll be honest, it's a huge struggle, but
i wouldn't have it any other way.
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sick_mama17
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 22 Jun 2007
Posts: 960
Location: , England
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Re: Working Mothers Vs Stay-at-home Moms
Posted: 06-22-07 16:13pm
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| beckster06
wrote: | | Which is best and
why? |
A stay at home mum imo. There's so many
reasons why.
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Assena
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Nov 2004
Posts: 328
Location: Georgia
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Posted: 06-22-07 16:23pm
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Some prefer to go back to work, some would
love to stay at home but cant. i don't
think one is better than the other. I
consider my self to be lucky in the aspect
that I did have a parent stay home with
us. as long as the children are cared for
and know that thier parents love them that
is what matters most.
the only thing i have issue with is
parents who pawn off thier kids to whom
ever, spoil them rotten and not teach them
respect. They treat them like a status
symbol as well as a burden. its just sad.
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: ,
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Posted: 06-22-07 16:45pm
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i would love to stay home while my child
is really young but i know i probably
won't have that choice. my parental
benefits will run out before the baby is a
year old and i don't think we can survive
on one income for long after that. we are
already making sacrifices as it is to
afford this baby so it wouldn't be fair
for me to expect my partner to be the only
breadwinner in the family when i'm
perfectly capable of making money too. i
will do my best to be at home with my
family as much as possible but,
realistically, it's just not an option at
this point to be full-time, stay at home
mom. i think we should support women in
their decision to work or to stay at home
because parenting is hard work and most
moms are doing what they think is best for
their family. a lot of us don't have much
choice in the matter.
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musikmaker
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 30 May 2006
Posts: 1743
Location: Chicago, US
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
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Posted: 06-22-07 18:38pm
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I only work on Saturdays (and then only
for a few hours teaching piano) but I wish
that I didn't even have to do that.
My desire is to stay home with my baby. I
know that some moms have to work and that
doesn't bother me. What does bother me is
whenever I see moms that want to go back
to work as soon as possible and say that
they go crazy being home all the time. If
you don't have to work you should
definatly stay home with your kids. That's
my opinion I guess.
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Bridget
Moderator
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 10769
Location: ,
Thanks: 53
Thanked:35
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Posted: 06-22-07 18:46pm
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| musikmaker
wrote: | | What does bother me is
whenever I see moms that want to go back
to work as soon as possible and say that
they go crazy being home all the time.
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that's my sister-in-law. she and my
brother each work 6 days a week at good
jobs (they don't need to work this much,
she's just obsessed with money), they've
had their daycare lined up for months now
and the baby isn't due until august, it's
a different person every day of the week
(i'll have her mondays, and no, i'm not
getting paid). aside from being a
workaholic, she's also obsessed with going
to the gym and she teaches aerobics in the
evenings. why is she having a baby when
she's not going to have any time to spend
with her? i just don't get it.
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Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007
Posts: 1851
Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 06-22-07 18:50pm
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We could never make it off one income. I
will have no choice but to work, and i
will be working up until my water breaks
unless i'm given other instructions from
the doc. I'm finding it very hard to even
get by on the two incomes we have now. I
have offered to give up my car for a
cheaper one, but i don't know if i can do
that. I might be stuck with it. But i'm
trying my best just never seems to be
enough.
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Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006
Posts: 2248
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Posted: 06-22-07 19:08pm
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neither is better.
i dont have to work. we could make it just
on my husbands paycheck. but i want to
work.
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mrsbuzski
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 15 Jun 2007
Posts: 103
Location: U.S.A. -- Illinois
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It's An Art
Posted: 06-22-07 23:22pm
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Giving up a full time job and learning to
stretch a buck is hard, but if you can and
want to do it you will.
I think it's good to stay at home to a
point; (like about nine years old).
They've developed their personalities and
are stable in most aspects of daily life.
I have stayed at home too long and my two
oldest are undiscipled and lazy. While I
still have to keep tabs on my 9 year old
the two oldest still expect me to cater to
them.
The "Terrible 2's" is nothing compared to
when they become teenagers!
As people say, "enjoy them, before you
know it they're grown up!". "It's true"!
Common sense and a lot of patience is what
it takes at any stage.
And lots of love!
Which it sounds like you already have!
Good luck!
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006
Posts: 3165
Location: Vacationland, USA,
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Re: It's An Art
Posted: 06-23-07 06:38am
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| mrsbuzski
wrote: |
The "Terrible 2's" is nothing compared to
when they become teenagers!
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Amen to you .Mrs. B!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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ladylee70
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Nov 2006
Posts: 1912
Location: Boise, Idaho,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 06-23-07 08:50am
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Some stay at home mothers think that
anyone can do it if they "buckle down"
enough. This is certainly not true. Some
people can not get medical insurance if
they don't work at a job that provides.
There are people who fall in the "tough
luck" category. There significant other
makes too much money money to qualify for
state insurance but yet they can't afford
the $600 or more a month to get private
insurance. Anything on your medical record
makes that figure go up higher. Some
people will say sell your home. Some
people don't have a home, are renting and
still struggle month to month. They cut
out all expenses including cable, buy the
cheapest brands, shop at used clothing
stores and go to garage sales. They have
extremely old cars and still struggle. We
are among those people. We are educated
(15 years of college between the two of
us). When we lived in WA state and even
AZ, I couldn't stay home. The cost of
living in western WA state was such that
not even households making the above
average medium income for the country
could make it on one income unless they
bought a house five or more years ago.
Even renting an apt was spendy in most
places. In AZ we had other unique
circumstances that made it impossible. I
am happy I only have to work part time
now. Moving to Idaho made that possible.
Not everyone has the option to move
either.
My son was in full time daycare since he
was 3 months. What has affected him the
most was the constant changing of daycares
after his first daycare provider stopped
watching kids at age one. After that, we
went through horrible experiences. That
truly affected him. We then moved several
times due to some other unique
circumstances which affected him even
more. He went to the same wonderful place
last year for one for year. He started to
make huge strides again. Then we moved and
he regressed emotionally again.
I strongly believe that if you need to
work or choose to work, you really need to
find a consistent and loving caregiver to
watch your child during the day. The first
three years of life, children learn "trust
vs mistrust." If children do not learn to
adequately bond to their caregiver then
some issues of attachment could occur. I
don't believe that complete attachment
disorder can occur if the primary
caregivers (mom and dad, usually) still
provide love to their child.
I believe through my child's experiences,
he did start to develop minor attachment
issues. We provided him with so much love,
but I worked very long hours and he was
not in a stable, consistent environment
for a long period of time after the first
caregiver.
The issue between parents who work outside
the home and parents who work solely
inside the home will continue to be an
on-going debate. The biggest issue is
quality time spent with your kids. There
are many full time working parents who
spend a lot of quality time yet there are
a lot of full time stay at home parents
who don't at all.
I am happy I will be working part time in
a few months. I believe this is the best
of both worlds for me and my children. My
older child (still expecting #2) is a very
social child so he gets to spend some time
away from me, I will get adult interaction
and work at a job I like, and I will be
making some needed money. I am a much
better mom when I am at least working a
little because it helps me organize my
time and really spend some quality time
with my child(ren). Everyone benefits.
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vanessalouanne
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 31 May 2005
Posts: 2268
Location: ,
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 06-24-07 01:38am
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amen karin. I couldnt agree with you
more.
not to mention what about single moms who
dont have that option available to them?
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Hollyberries
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 20 Jun 2007
Posts: 1851
Location: Lead, sd usa
Thanks: 1
Thanked:0
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Posted: 06-24-07 01:50am
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| ladylee70
wrote: | Some stay at home mothers
think that anyone can do it if they
"buckle down" enough. This is certainly
not true. Some people can not get medical
insurance if they don't work at a job that
provides. There are people who fall in the
"tough luck" category. There significant
other makes too much money money to
qualify for state insurance but yet they
can't afford the $600 or more a month to
get private insurance. Anything on your
medical record makes that figure go up
higher. Some people will say sell your
home. Some people don't have a home, are
renting and still struggle month to month.
They cut out all expenses including cable,
buy the cheapest brands, shop at used
clothing stores and go to garage sales.
They have extremely old cars and still
struggle. We are among those people. We
are educated (15 years of college between
the two of us). When we lived in WA state
and even AZ, I couldn't stay home. The
cost of living in western WA state was
such that not even households making the
above average medium income for the
country could make it on one income unless
they bought a house five or more years
ago. Even renting an apt was spendy in
most places. In AZ we had other unique
circumstances that made it impossible. I
am happy I only have to work part time
now. Moving to Idaho made that possible.
Not everyone has the option to move
either.
My son was in full time daycare since he
was 3 months. What has affected him the
most was the constant changing of daycares
after his first daycare provider stopped
watching kids at age one. After that, we
went through horrible experiences. That
truly affected him. We then moved several
times due to some other unique
circumstances which affected him even
more. He went to the same wonderful place
last year for one for year. He started to
make huge strides again. Then we moved and
he regressed emotionally again.
I strongly believe that if you need to
work or choose to work, you really need to
find a consistent and loving caregiver to
watch your child during the day. The first
three years of life, children learn "trust
vs mistrust." If children do not learn to
adequately bond to their caregiver then
some issues of attachment could occur. I
don't believe that complete attachment
disorder can occur if the primary
caregivers (mom and dad, usually) still
provide love to their child.
I believe through my child's experiences,
he did start to develop minor attachment
issues. We provided him with so much love,
but I worked very long hours and he was
not in a stable, consistent environment
for a long period of time after the first
caregiver.
The issue between parents who work outside
the home and parents who work solely
inside the home will continue to be an
on-going debate. The biggest issue is
quality time spent with your kids. There
are many full time working parents who
spend a lot of quality time yet there are
a lot of full time stay at home parents
who don't at all.
I am happy I will be working part time in
a few months. I believe this is the best
of both worlds for me and my children. My
older child (still expecting #2) is a very
social child so he gets to spend some time
away from me, I will get adult interaction
and work at a job I like, and I will be
making some needed money. I am a much
better mom when I am at least working a
little because it helps me organize my
time and really spend some quality time
with my child(ren). Everyone
benefits. |
Very Well said. Sounds about like me
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007
Posts: 1557
Location: ,
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Posted: 06-24-07 03:58am
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whether it's a choice or not it just seems
odd that women still have to defend it.
my mom's generation were proud to say that
they had the right to choose whether they
worked or not. they had to fight for that
right but it seems like we still have to
defend our choices. i had a single mom
and i am still amazed by how much she
accomplished while raising 4 kids
(sometimes 5). i give a lot of credit to
women who are able to balance a career and
motherhood because they are both a lot of
work.
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Dannzibelle
Supporter
Joined: 23 Oct 2006
Posts: 3742
Location: South East, England
Thanks: 22
Thanked:10
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Posted: 06-24-07 07:45am
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neither is better. Aslong as you are a
good mother to your child/ren then that's
all that matters
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CaNdItAs CrAzY LaNd
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007
Posts: 3057
Location: like anyone cares, phhht
Thanks: 6
Thanked:0
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Posted: 06-25-07 10:33am
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I have been a working single mom with my
first child I worked over 13 hours a day
and only saw her in morning when i dropped
her off at first sitter (she had 3 a day )
and she was sleeping and at night again
when she was sleeping. It was verry hard
and i feel personally for me that i missed
alot of her important milestones in the
beginning . now with my 2 and 3 i am a
stay at home married mom for about 5 years
now and i love it it is still verry hard
$$$ wise my dh is an over the road
truckdriver so still seams like i am
single mom again but i am here for every
milestone.
but i also am a work -stayat home mom i
babysit to make a little extra $$ AND AM A
(sorry caps button stuck) independent
avon rep. It is hard either way and i do
not think moms should be penalized or put
down for there choices of stay at home or
working moms.
Last edited by CaNdItAs CrAzY LaNd on 06-25-07 18:18pm; edited 1 time in total
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