Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6221 Location: London, England
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Should You Force Your Way of Life Upon Your Child? Posted: 06-25-07 03:28am
if you like a particular sort of music-
should you force it upon your child by
making them listen to it in the car etc or
let them choose?
if you dress in a particular way- should
you go out and buy similar clothes for
your child or ask them what they want?
if you are against something- e.g
vegatarian, anti-abortion etc- should you
push your views upon your child or let
them make up their own mind?
basically- is it good to get your child
interested in the same things as you or
will they just rebel anyway?
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Becky
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 01 Jan 2006 Posts: 6221 Location: London, England
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Posted: 06-25-07 03:33am
just to add that my mum dresses gothic and
listens to rock music- i grew up wearing
trainers and blue jeans and listening to
pop and hip hop
then when i turned sixteen i decided that
I actually think the way my mum dresses is
cool and i started to get little bits and
pieces- now i am a goth too and listen to
even more rock music than my mum
she never influenced me or forced it upon
me- i did feel like it was 'in my blood'
though
i dress my kids like every other child- in
jeans pink t-shirts etc- they don't look
like alternative children at all and
admittedly i do play rock music around the
house but as they get older they can
choose what music they like.
will my children be like me or will they
rebel? only time will tell....
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 06-25-07 05:52am
Unfortunately many parents do force their
way of life on their children. A lot of
parents that are gothic would dress their
kids that way and say, "oh isn't my little
one so freaking cute"? Or they will say
"my daughter just loves .Marilyn .Mansen".
I think dressing your child the way other
children their age dress is probably the
best choice. Little kids can be so cruel
and tease others for really silly things.
There are some really adorable .Gothic
stuff out their for babies and little
kids, but.....
Let them choose when they are older who
they want to be, chances are if your a
good parent they'll follow in your foot
steps, like .Beck did her mom.
As far as music, kids are a captive
audience at the mercy of whatever their
parents listen to. I like rock of all
forms and that's what .I listen to. I
have a great appreciation for music, so .I
listen to nearly everything (except twangy
cryin in my beer country, eeeew). In my
cd player .I have 6 cds, which are
probably all over the board as to what
style music they are. I hit random and
let them play.
When my daughter is in the car, she is in
control of what we listen to. I just
think if the lyrics talk about killing,
drugs, sex, and violence, you may want to
make another choice. Kids are very
impressionable, and .I wouldn't want my 2
year old singing about capping a cop.
Last edited by Mommy35 on 06-25-07 07:41am; edited 1 time in total
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Dannzibelle
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Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 3762 Location: South East, England
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Posted: 06-25-07 06:23am
It's a personal choice but i'm not going
to push my way of life on .Mika. I have
some very strong opinions but they are
*my* opinions and not .Mika's. When i was
growing up my parents listened to rod
stewart and madonna and i listen to punk
and hardcore and wear tutu's and corsets,
deffinatley not like either of my parents
So
far all the clothes i've got for her are
just the average clothes you see for a
baby girl, but if i do happen to see a
t-shirt that is the kind of thing that i
might wear i'm sure i would buy it but i'm
not going to dress her up as a little mini
me, she can make her own descisions about
music, clothes and various opinions, i'll
tell her what mine are if she asks but i'm
not going to say 'i don't eat meat so you
can't'
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mc4ever02
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Joined: 08 Feb 2007 Posts: 3636 Location: Orlando, FL Usa
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Posted: 06-25-07 09:37am
I think there is a very fine line between
pushing your 'way of life' and setting
guidlines.
Such as dress code. I, personally, am not
a conservative person. However, I will
have certian 'rules' about what is
exceptable for my child to wear. I don't
think that is pushing a way of life, but,
the rules will be different for every
parent. So, that could be up for debate.
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Ingi
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Joined: 09 Mar 2006 Posts: 8724 Location: Grinning like a Cheshire Cat,
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Posted: 06-25-07 09:51am
This depends entirely on the age of your
child! You should not allow a 5 year old
child to be the owner of his own destiny ~
firstly because he would have no idea
how that will impact his life. Yet,
as a responsible adult, the parent should
know.
That said, I'd love my daughter to wear
dresses. Does she want to? No way. So we
don't buy dresses and I don't force it on
her. As a teenager, I don't know what will
happen, she'll obviously have the need to
break away from her parents (a natural
progression in every person's life!) so
she'll rebel with music, etc - and that
will be ok as long as it isn't a safety
issue and it doesn't go against the values
I think are important.
My job as her parent is to make sure she
is safe and loved - but also prohibit
things that aren't appropriate for someone
her age, whatever her age is at the time.
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vanessalouanne
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Joined: 31 May 2005 Posts: 2268 Location: ,
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Posted: 06-25-07 12:23pm
i think you raise a child with your
beliefs and morals but when they get to
the point when they begin to question
their own values you let them make their
own decisions and just guide them the best
that you can. for example my daughter
will be raised going to church but if when
shes 15 if she decides she wants to
explore other options and maybe look into
different religions i will encourage her
because id rather have her have a strong
belief in something then no belief on
anything..
not to mention i think children will
resent you if you push your way of
thinking on them as the only way of
thinking. let them find the answers for
themselves.
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Azure777
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 167 Location: gloucester city NJ
Posted: 06-25-07 13:30pm
i believe in the old saying "it takes a
village to raise a child". to me that
means everyone puts a little bit of their
values into that child's life. for
instance:
My fiance' is Wiccan, I have no religion,
My Mother is Christian/Spiritualist, and
my Father is Catholic. So, for my soon to
be child there will be alot of different
points of views going into his choices and
he will have guidance no matter his
religious choice. Also, we all have
different views on sexual gender
preference... where as i and my fiance'
are bisexual and see homosexuality as
completely acceptable and a blessing just
as is heterosexuality. my parents are
Heterosexual but still quite open with
bi/homosexuality. His Parents are
homophobic and probably wouldn't accept
our child as their own blood. but we still
hold firm that this child will be loved
with or without them involved.
so views will be imposed upon our child,
but it will be his choice as to what views
adhere.
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sillyakchick
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Posted: 06-25-07 14:04pm
I try very hard to be neutral and give
many sides of an issue to my five year
old. But I also insist that she know the
truth. She asks some very tough questions
now.
"Mom, aren't you going to get into trouble
if you don't pray?" This is the direct
influence of her very kind but very
fanatically baptist babysitter. I think
of them as grandparents, but they
definitely propse ideas to my child that I
don't agree with. I tell her everone has
a different way of "praying" and that
people can pray the way that best serves
them.
"Mom, does Jesus love you?" No, honey,
Jesus is no longer living and cannot love
people the way you or I can. he was a
very good person, though and tried to
teach people to love each other.
"Mom, why does everyone hate George Bush?"
Not everyone hates George Bush, but some
people think he is doing some things
wrong, like sending soldiers to a war that
they don't think we should be fighting.
"Mom, did Charlie go to heaven?" I don't
know, what do you think? "I think that
everyones' soul turns into clouds and when
they pass overhead, they are reminding you
to think about them".
Obviously, I have much stronger opinions,
but I try to temper them so that I am not
just "brainwashing" my child. We are
vegetarian, but i tell her she can eat
meat if she wants to, I'm not going to
cook it. I also have told her that meat
is made from cows, and when she sees one,
she reminds herself why she doesn't eat
meat. My hope is that if I tell her why
we do or don't do things, she will come up
with doing things the way I think is best,
but on her own terms. if she doesn't, at
least I tried my best. I would rather she
be her own person, whoever that is, than
just a clone of myself.
