Parenting Debate Forum - Does Age Matter?


Does Age Matter?

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mc4ever02

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Does Age Matter? Posted: 06-25-07 19:25pm


I have had many people (not on here) make comments about me ttc at such a young age. I was wondering how everyone feels about this... Does a parents age matter? If so, what is the appropriate age to become a parent?

Jude-Love

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Posted: 06-25-07 19:28pm


If you don't mind me asking, how old are you? I am 24. I've gotten a lot of negative bull from others for trying to have a child as well. Because I'm still in college. Even though I only have two years left and my husband makes enough money to support us. We have reliable transportation and health care. We have an extra bedroom as well. Someone on another forum even suggested I would probably be on welfare and burdening him and his "tax dollars"! Personally, I don't think it's a good idea to try to conceive before you are at least 21. But there are exceptions. There are many people a couple of years younger than that who are in a stable marriage or relationship and can afford financially and emotionally to raise a child. But generally, I think it's best to wait until after 21. It doesn't mean I think anyone who doesn't will be a bad parent though.

mc4ever02

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Posted: 06-25-07 19:35pm


I personally am 21. We started ttc when I was 20. My husband is 27. We have a wonderful marriage, stable jobs with sufficient income, and I have good insurance with short term disability. Even with people knowing this, they still think that I am too young, but don't flinch when my dh says something about it (maybe they think he's having a child with someone else. ) I was just curious to see what people think about this.

kaerbear

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Posted: 06-25-07 19:53pm


i only would have a problem with it with certain people who you just know aren't ready for it. like, the healthy baby program i was attending where there were a group of really young girls who just didn't seem to get what being a parent means. like, the instructors were talking about the benefits of breastfeeding and the one girl says "ew breastfeeding is so gross, i'm not going to do it!" and the rest of the girls giggle. i guess it's not really an age thing but a maturity thing. some people can take the responsibility and some aren't ready. i know a lot of young girls that have their babies then leave them here and there so they can keep partying and chasing boys because apparently they didn't get enough of that before getting pregnant. that's the only thing i have a problem with. i know of a few very young girls on here who seem really mature and like they will make excellent mothers. i guess it's not necessarily an issue with age but with maturity.

nightangel73

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Posted: 06-25-07 21:00pm

mc4ever02 wrote:

I personally am 21. We started ttc when I was 20. My husband is 27. We have a wonderful marriage, stable jobs with sufficient income, and I have good insurance with short term disability. Even with people knowing this, they still think that I am too young, but don't flinch when my dh says something about it (maybe they think he's having a child with someone else. Confused

) I was just curious to see what people think about this.

i see no problem with it. Do you have a fertility problem since you being ttc for a year now and no baby?

I too have short term disability insurance but I worry about it because there is a limit of time the company holds your job. If i had pregnancy issues where i need to be almost all the pregnancy in bedrest I would loose the job. One thing is having disability insurance and other is for how long the company will hold your job. I have a coworker poor sould she should be at bedrest but she is comming to work because otherwise she will loose her job as she has taken several weeks off already. Sad isn't it?

Last edited by nightangel73 on 06-25-07 21:58pm; edited 3 times in total

vanessalouanne

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Posted: 06-25-07 21:10pm


i dont think there is any perfect age. i truly believe it depends on the individual, their maturity level, and if they can handle the financial situation that being said it crosses most 13 year olds who just want a baby to feel loved off of the list.

Carifairy

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Posted: 06-25-07 21:59pm


As long as you have enough money to care for your own family, and you can pay for all medical expenses, sure why not ttc? I do have a problem with people that ttc if they are poverty stricken, and cannot afford to feed themselves, but that is another debate.

Birch

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Posted: 06-25-07 22:03pm


When you are ready, as determined by a team of physicians, social workers, therapists, educators, nurses, and psychologists. Just kidding! Sometimes I think there should be exams to be parents. And i see babies, and I'm like, aw, they're cute, that's amazing...why would anyone want one?

kaerbear

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Posted: 06-25-07 22:09pm


i agree. people should have to get some kind of license to have a kid. someone was saying the other day that they wished it was easier to be pregnant and that labour was painless and i thought about that for a minute and said i think it's easy enough as it is, if it were any easier we would be overrun in no time. there are already enough people making babies that don't have a clue how to be a parent.

rasuyoung

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Posted: 06-25-07 22:24pm


I don't think there can be an appropriate age to be a parent that applies to everyone, because everyone is different. I do think some girls are in a bigger rush than they should be about having kids. We have the rest of our lives to raise kids - why not enjoy this time to ourselves? It makes me cringe when a teenager who has had a baby is trying for #2 for what I hope are obvious reasons. I'll be 22 in less than six months and am going into my fourth year of college. I used to think I wanted kids around age 25, but that just seems like a quaint childhood idea now. I'll probably be more like 29 or 30. Besides being financially stable, I want to make sure I'm in the best possible mental state I can be for my child. I don't think that's possible for me in my early 20s, because I need this time to focus on myself, my education, and my future career.

hopefulmjz

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Posted: 06-25-07 22:44pm


As soon as one hits puberty. That was a joke, please don't throw rocks at me. But seriously I don't think it's an age matter, but a question of maturity (as someone else said) and how responsible you and your partner are, and if you are financially and emotionally stable. I've seen very good parents, who were teens.....and I've seen terrible parents who are in their mid 30's....so I feel age has very little importance.

Becky

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Posted: 06-26-07 03:38am


i had my first child at 20. i don't think i'm too young. my mum had me at 18 and had my sister 17 years later when she was 35 (i think) she says she found it so much easier when she was younger and now she doesn't have as much energy and worries about being nearly 60 when my sister is 20. personally i think it's better to have kids in your 20's so that you aren't really old when/if any grandchildren are born. i know it's possible to die at any age but still....

Dannzibelle

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Posted: 06-26-07 04:23am


Of course i'm going to say that is doesn't matter all that much because if i didn't i'd be calling myself a bad mother Yes me and .Dom are young but we are capeable of looking after and raising our daughter no matter what anyone else thinks. My mum was married at 21, had my sister at 22, me at 25 and is now about to become a grandmother for the third time at 44 (i think she's 44 ). My personal opinion on this is if you are happy, the child will be happy and you are capeable of making the appropiete and needed sacrifices for a child then you are ready for a baby. And if like myself you find yourself pregnant at a young age while using contraception then you need to think of the same things, only you have a little less time to figure out what you're going to do.

Birch

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Posted: 06-26-07 08:19am


You are going to be a great mother, danzibelle!

Mommy35

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Posted: 06-26-07 08:33am

Carifairy wrote:

As long as you have enough money to care for your own family, and you can pay for all medical expenses, sure why not ttc?

I do have a problem with people that ttc if they are poverty stricken, and cannot afford to feed themselves, but that is another debate.

Yes, this sounds perfect to me also

mc4ever02

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Posted: 06-26-07 08:44am

nightangel73 wrote:

mc4ever02 wrote:

) I was just curious to see what people think about this.

i see no problem with it. Do you have a fertility problem since you being ttc for a year now and no baby?

Yes, I'm having some technical difficulties, but hopefully the will be sorted out soon enough. Wink

I really wanted this question to be a debate question and I was just using myself as an example. So, I don't want anyone to sugar coat in fear of hurting my feelings.

*star*

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Posted: 06-26-07 09:02am

mc4ever02 wrote:

Yes, I'm having some technical difficulties, but hopefully the will be sorted out soon enough. Wink

you crack me up....technical difficulties....Please stay tuned we will be right back after we work on these technical difficulties!!! lol Laughing

mc4ever02 wrote:

I really wanted this question to be a debate question and I was just using myself as an example. So, I don't want anyone to sugar coat in fear of hurting my feelings.

I personally don't see any problem with people starting to ttc at an early age, .I.F they are ready for the responsibility. You and your husband are obviously stable enough to add to your family, so who's to say that you shouldn't...nobody!!!
I would imagine that the age difference between you and dh would be the reason why people give you grief... My husband and I are 5 years apart and while I am pushin 30, I am totally ready to have a baby... DH's parents (mom especially) says "they can't have kids yet, they aren't ready to, they can't do it yet" She freaks out about it sometimes, but she is starting to come around. I think it's because my dh is her baby, and she isn't ready for him to grow up yet. I know she will change her mind once we give her a grandchild. She doesn't have any yet!

So bottom line, if you and your husband are ready to ttc, then so be it and forget what anyone else has to say about it... It's your life not theirs

vanessalouanne

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Posted: 06-26-07 09:09am


your hubby is 35 years old and his mom keeps saying he isnt ready?? that must be a fun mother in law lol. someone should tell her to cut the cord.

*star*

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Posted: 06-26-07 11:51am

vanessalouanne wrote:

your hubby is 35 years old and his mom keeps saying he isnt ready??

that must be a fun mother in law lol.
someone should tell her to cut the cord.

No he is 5 years younger.

Yeah if he was 35 and she still acted like that then I would have to say cut it or else woman!!!

I actually think she is over herself now. We have talked to her about it and she is ok. It was really when we were first married that she was ridiculous about it.

sillyakchick

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Posted: 06-26-07 12:43pm


OK deep breath For me, I think people should wait a little while to have children once they are married/together and here is why: I think that if you spend a few years together building a strong relationship and have time to sort out differences prior to complicating things with children, then you will have an easier time raising them. I was married for seven years before we decided to go for it. I do believe that people can be fabulous parents to children without waiting, and even without being married or "attached". I just know that we had a lot of good times, late nights, parties and spontaneity in our lives. After a while we were too tired to stay out late, bars seemed boring, and we seldom went on any trips anymore. That was when we decided that we were "old enough" to have kids. Also,we had purchased outr house and I had finished college and had a good job. The negative aspect of this is that I am going to be a grouchy old person when my children are ready to leave the house and go off on their own. It's staggering sometimes to think about it. And my parents are also aging, and will not have as much time around my children before they pass away than they would have if I had had children sooner. Maybe it's better to have kids when you are younger and full of energy (we go to bed by nine at night), but then you will also be missing out on some of the things that people your age are out having fun doing as well. Last edited by sillyakchick on 06-26-07 16:55pm; edited 1 time in total