Comfort Or Cry It Out?

i always allow a certain amount of time (10-15 minutes)
and listen carefully for the kind of cry that they give.
i do believe you have to let them cry it out though or youll never get them on a sleep schedule which is vital for both you and the baby

in my opinion, 10-15 minutes is too long. that must seem like forever to a crying baby who's wondering why nobody's coming to their rescue.

thankfully i have a baby who doesn't cry so i've never had to try any cio methods. i don't think i could do it though. just the thought of a baby having to cry itself to sleep breaks my heart.

I think you should comfort a crying baby, never leave them to 'cry it out', to me thats really cruel and I never did it no matter how tired I was.
A crying baby obviously has a reason to do so, they cant tell us what the reason is but there is one or they wouldnt do it. Just because we dont always know the reason, I dont think its ok to ignore them. Thats what crying it out is, said simply, ignoring their distressed cries until they have worn themselves out crying so much they fall asleep.
Cruel.

During the first year, children learn trust verse mistrust. When you leave your children to cry for a long period of time, they often learn that crying doesn't do anything and no one will meet their needs. I am not talking about letting babies cry for five minutes. When you go into many orphanages, you may hear silence - very little crying. They have learned that crying doesn't help - their needs don't get met. This is often times a sign of the start of an attachment disorder. I am not saying that parents who believe in letting their kids cry it out will have kids with an attachment disorder. It takes a lot for kids to develop this disorder.

I think as they get a little older, it's alright to let them cry it out for a longer period of time. What that time frame is....I haven't really decided and I haven't read a lot of research on it.

I have used the five minute rule personally with my son. After a month or two, I didn't pick him up immediately after every little cry but would wait for five minutes. It also depended on the type of cry.

At four months, I used the five minute rule _ not that I had a timer with me. I usually used that when I just knew he was tired and it was the "I am tired" cry. Perhaps sometimes I waited a little bit longer, but not too long.

Even though on some tired nights when I think about how I've been getting up with her for months on end and I don't know when it'll stop I think to myself that maybe it's just easier to let her cry.
At the same time I realize that all she wants is my comfort and reassurance that I'm still there and she relies on me to put her back to sleep.
Can you imagine what she'd feel like if after all these months of me comforting her and letting her fall asleep warm and comfy in my arms, I'd just leave her there in her crib to cry and cry and cry and wonder, "Where mommy? She always comes get me. Is she still here? I must be all by myself". I know she wouldn't be thinking that exactly, but she'd be feeling it. It makes me cry thinking that I could hurt my child in that way. I'll never do it. I just pray everyday that things get better. I know it can't last forever, she'll eventually sleep all night again.
If I have to do it for all of my children and never sleep longer than 3 hours at a time for the next 7 years, that's fine with me.

I'm happy to be the soft, warm spot that she falls asleep on every night. Imagine taking a warm bath, getting comfy and falling asleep drinking a bottle in your mother's arms. That must be the best feeling in the world to her and I won't take that away until she's ready.

im more talking along the age of 12 months.. maybe i should of clarified.

erickson theory of trust vs mistrust is birth to 18 months.

and im talking about after all basic needs are met, such as the baby is fed, changed, held, ect.

this has nothing to do with me being tired, im talking about putting the baby on a schedule. you can tell a tired cry from a cry of hurt or hunger.

this is what ive done in the past and ive been met with huge success. the baby gets a more fufilling nights rest. the crying usually only last for 2 weeks or less before the baby associates being put in the crib with bed time.

this is how i will put my daughter on a time schedule.

its also a process. you dont just all of a sudden leave the baby to self sooth right away. you start with small periods of time. you have a bedtime routine..for example bath, bottle, cuddling then lay the baby down gradually for a longer period of time. you still pat the baby and rub your baby you just dont pick them up. this way the baby learns to self sooth and that crying at bed time is responded to with a brief check from you, but not being picked up.

this way the baby's trust isnt lost. they know youll be there, but in a different way.

a well rested baby is a happy baby

Her biggest problem is that she has a suck to sleep association, which means that she initially falls asleep sucking her bottle and that's how she expects to fall asleep when he has a night waking. We're trying to break that association, I read the no cry sleep solution and that's where I got the tips on how to break it. She's actually getting better without doing anything. She was waking up every 3 hours, now it's every 4 or 5 hours. I hear her or feel her (she sometimes sleeps with us) stirring and if I don't move, she'll go back to sleep on her own, but sometimes she won't.
I will try to break that suck to sleep association and if that doesn't do the trick, then I'll just wait it out until she matures. I'm not letting her cry.

thats your choice completely and im not going to say your wrong in it at all. i think this is a very personal decision.
does she sleep with a bottle or pacifier?

No bottle. After she's finish sucking and falls asleep I take it out. I sometimes give her a pacifier first before I pick her up to see if that'll help her go back to sleep. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't and I have to pick her up. She rarely sucks her pacifier.

i think i would err on the side of comforting my baby, at least the first year. i'm going to have to learn about all of this stuff, i'm still stuck on pregnancy mode but baby is coming soon. is there a difference, do you think, with babies who are breastfed and those that are bottle fed? i'm already up 4 or 5 times every night, and will be continuing to be up all night breastfeeding, so it won't be bothering me that much to miss some sleep waking up with the baby. i've seen stories about those kids in the orphanages and they are heartwrenching. i like what jessesgirl said about being the soft warm spot. that's exactly how i feel about it too. i have a second cousin who had a baby when she was 15 and when i babysat her i was so shocked that she never cried. she would wake up in the morning, as a little baby and not make a sound. she would just lay there and wait because she knew if she cried her mom would just ignore her. it was so sad.