New And Furious!

Hi cynthia my name is meg, 21 w/o kids. I can understand why you are so angry and disappointed but dont do anything rash, calm down first even if it takes a few days. I'm sure the girls on this forum can give you advice, they are quite informative and nice. Have you talked to her yet as to what she plans on doing? She says she wants a baby because you seem happy and were young but there has to be more to it. She needs to be sat down and talked to about what having a baby is really about and (i know this sounds hard) but is the father going to be involved at all? This is all the advice I can offer for now but dont worry you'll get more input from others, good luck to you!


P.S - we all sound like our mothers eventually whether we like it or not so dont feel too bad!!

Hi I am cherie, my mum was a young mum and I am a young mum too, when I told my mother that I was pregnant with my first daughter she asked me to have an abortion, after I said no and made it clear that this was my choice, she regretted saying it...... And started looking forward to becoming a grandmother....... That said I was a few years older than your daughter and in a stable relationship with my partner, who is a hard working and honest man.
Looking back almost three years later I can understand now why she was so upset that I decided to have my children at such a young age, even though she too had done the same thing, ( my mum had 4 children by the time she was 24- her first at 17, all to the same man though), after having a child your point of view changes, you are no longer living your life for yourself, you live for your children, you dream about what they will do, and hope that they learn from your mistakes, ( I know very few teen mum's who say they are confident in the choice they made_ those who planned their pregnancies- and wonder if they would have been better off waiting those few extra years to have better supported their child, I know none that dont love their children though) when your children mimic your behaviour, especially young girls, those who get pregnant especially, you as a parent who has been there done that, know all the trials and tribulations your daughter is about to go through, you know exactly how hard raising a baby is at a young age, and although you may have thought, or swore that you wouldnt ever do the same thing to her as your parents did, you now find that the issue you prayed youd never have to face, has raised its ugly head, and it is harder than you ever thought it would be because you wanted better for your daughter, you had dreams for her, and you know that there is nothing you can do to change this situation.......
Try to get over the shock, try to be supportive, but also try to find support for yourself, remember always that this was her choice and you done every thing to prevent and educate her on it.
Enjoy being a grandmother, cherish those moments, atleast this one you can spoil, cause thats what grannies are for..... Best of luck

Hello cynthia,
my names shauna and i'm expecting my first child. I will be 18 when he is born. I am so sorry to hear about your daughter. She feels she wants a kid now and wants to be a young mom, but before anyone can even have a kid, they have to learn not to say "i want a baby" or "i want to ..".. Becuz its what the baby wants and not what they want. What you probbaly need to do (i know this might be hard) is sit down wit her and ask her why she decided to have a kid. Explain to her the cost of diapers, struggling with a baby to go to school and why some children shouldnt be planned so young (i do agree tho I have met a lot of 14 year olds on here who have become very great mothers but its becuz they let themselves be). I really cant imagine what kinda position ur in, but I hope this is a time where u can both turn to eachother for help... As for the father.. If he doesnt want to be in this babys life or leaves ur daughter, I say ring his neck for child support for every penny hes got.. That outta teach him! I hope all is best and plz let us know how ur doing and how shes doing in the future!

Shauna

Here is my advice. Dont yell at her. Whats done is done. That was the hardest thing I had to go through was see my mom cry and be so mad at me. She really needs support even though she made a big mistake. Now she is so young and lets face it this guy is probably not going to be there now and he most definitly wont be there is the future. I think you should talk to your daughter about her options with this pregnancy and dont force her into anything she doesent want do do (abortion,adoption) but let you know you will be there for her and that your proud she told you herself (i never did!!) im sure it took her alot of guts to come to you and tell you something like this. I think this board would be a great place to turn to. Both you and her! She needs some friends right now so I would love to talk to her and tell her about my experiences. I got pregnant at 15. Good luck!

I agree with jill. My mom made me feel really bad and dirty for what I did. Look at us now, we dont talk, she doesnt come around, and when she does we fight, she is missing out on seeing her grandchild grow up. You dont want that do you. Be there for her, you are the only one she has.

Well it has been confirmed that she is pregnant. Her blood work determined that she has an hcg level of 7740, which means that she is between 6-8 weeks of pregnancy. They couldn’t determine from her lmp because since she wasn’t taking her birth control right, it made her periods irregular. I asked her what she wanted to do, and she said she was going to keep this child. Which to be honest is probably the smartest decision she has made so far. I maybe angry but I don’t want her to abort her child or give it away to be raised by someone else. I decided to take the day off work, and when she is finished we are going to lunch to talk some more, so I can give her an idea of how hard her road will be in the next few months. I will be directing her your way, as well, to help give her some guidance. Thank you for the replies with all of the helpful advice. I am trying my best to bite my tongue and not say anything hurtful. So everyone is on the same page, I do not think maura is stupid or incapable, I was just angry that after everything I sat down and told her, that she would want to do the same thing. But as some of you said, there is nothing I can do now, but help give her and this child the best life possible with all the resources we have.

Thanks again,
cynthia

Hi..Nice to meet you!!! My name is sara I am 19 and I have a 7 month old daughter named jayden. Yes it is true I think we all turn into our mothres at some point in our lives. Most all mothers are upset at first when they find out their little "baby" is pregnant. But I am sure you will come around and it could just be the most amazing thing that has ever happened to you. If your daughter ever needs to talk tell her to feel free to email me at raven eyes199@yahoo.Com I wish you the best of luck....Keep us posted!

~sara~

Hey. I'm chanda. 17. Sr in high school. No kids. Not preggy~
i'm very glad you are doing this the way you are. I know it must be hard, but I think with your help she can make it work for her. Congrats on being a grandmother.
Keep us posted and send her our way. We'll give her all the advice she needs!
Love,
chanda

Tihnk of it this way, everytime you feel like your going to freak out, think of how you felt finding you were pregnant at 13. How scared you were to tell your mom and evrything else you felt. At least she came to talk to you, she could of hidden her pregnancy until a few months in, without getting prenatal care. Or she could of tried to get an abortion all on her own. It's true what's done is done, all you can do is be there for her reassure that you love her and will be there for her no matter what. "now" do you think your ready to be a granny at 27, just kidding. I shouldn't be joking when your freaking out. You sound like a good level headed person i'm sure everything would be okay. Keep us posted.

Brenda

The best thing I can say is support her. 'cause I know how hard it is to be young, pregnant and going to school. I'm not pregnant anymore but I had my baby two weeks ago. I'm 15. Your going to have to support her evenmore when she has the baby b/c it is really hard to go to school and have a baby. Luckly, my baby is a really good baby. But all I have to say is..She needs you now more than ever!


Nikki

Please invite her here if she needs some people to talk to!

I am both happy and upset for you by reading your story. I am upset because she is very young, but I am glad that you are going to stick by her side and support her. I am 19 years old, I don't have any children, but I have thought that I was pregnant a few times, and I was scared. Your probably thankful that she came to you and told you about it, because she could have kept it to herself. But at the same time, she probably felt that if anyone understood, you would. She is lucky to have a mother that is understanding and willing to support her, even though you are not happy with the situation. The effort was there by putting her on birth control in the first place, even though it didn't work like you wanted it to.
My mother was hesitant putting me on birth control, but she did anyway, because she had an abortion when she was 17. But even better that she did, I was raped by my older boyfriend when I was 15. Thankfully, I didn't get pregnant. I didn't tell her what happened until last year, and that happened when I was 15. I was afraid to tell her, because I knew it would hurt her, and she didn't want me hanging out with this kid to begin with. She is disapointed that I didn't tell her right away. And I really regret not telling her because she could have helped me, and she should have been the first person that I went to. I am very close to my mom, and it kills me because her being disapointed in me hurts more than anything she could say to me. When I needed her most, I didn't go to her. So I give your daughter alot of credit by telling you.
Even though your daughter is young, I think that keeping the baby is ok, because you will be there to help her. I just hope that she makes it through the pregnancy and birth ok. I had a friend in highschool who had a baby when she was 13 and she had a rough time. I wish her the best, and make sure that you tell her she is not alone, there are alot of people who care about her already by hearing your story. Good luck, and keep us posted!