Suggestions For Restarting Sex Life Posted: 06-30-07 22:29pm
My wife and I have been married for 15
years, and have generally had sex 2 or
more times a week until the last year,
when due to some depression issues I lost
my sex drive. We have not had sex in over
a year.
I have usually been the one to initiate
sex. While this always seemed OK, I did
notice on some occasions that she seemed
less than enthusiastic about it, but I
didn't want to make any waves and we went
ahead. Then one night when I started
things as usual, she got mad and said
"when I go to bed at night, I want to read
my book and go to sleep". Then I thought
back to all the times she seemed not so
enthusiastic, and realized that she had
been reading those times, too. It made me
feel terrible, like I had been really
selfish, pushy and oblivious to what she
was doing.
Some time after this, my wife started
getting menopause symptoms, including
vaginal dryness. Despite using
lubricants, she had discomfort during sex,
which again made me feel selfish, like I'm
the only one who actually enjoyed it. It
totally killed my ability to perform.
When we had a death in the family, I got
depressed and started dwelling on these
things, and little by little got myself so
psyched out making myself feel like I
shouldn't be pushing for sex, that I just
stopped trying. My wife tried starting
things a few times, but I didn't really
respond, mostly because I knew we didn't
have enough lubricant on hand, and if I
said so it might make her feel like I was
blaming her. She hadn't bought more,
which I figured (due to the depression)
was because she didn't want to have sex.
I'm pretty much over the depression issue
with some good counseling and actually am
getting my sex drive back.
But she hasn't tried starting sex lately,
and I'm worried to because she has said on
at least two occasions that not having sex
for so long has thinned out her vaginal
tissues and it will make things even more
difficult for her.
So now I have no idea how to move forward
-- I'm worried about the discomfort factor
for her and know it will be very
guilt-inducing for me if we do try and she
has the kind of discomfort I'm worried
about.
I'd appreciate any suggestions, especially
from women who are post-menopausal.
|
meblonde01
Supporter
Joined: 11 Apr 2007 Posts: 2123 Location: ,
Thanks: 6
Thanked:2
Re: Suggestions For Restarting Sex Life Posted: 07-01-07 13:27pm
Macore
wrote:
My wife and I have been
married for 15 years, and have generally
had sex 2 or more times a week until the
last year, when due to some depression
issues I lost my sex drive. We have not
had sex in over a year.
I have usually been the one to initiate
sex. While this always seemed OK, I did
notice on some occasions that she seemed
less than enthusiastic about it, but I
didn't want to make any waves and we went
ahead. Then one night when I started
things as usual, she got mad and said
"when I go to bed at night, I want to read
my book and go to sleep". Then I thought
back to all the times she seemed not so
enthusiastic, and realized that she had
been reading those times, too. It made me
feel terrible, like I had been really
selfish, pushy and oblivious to what she
was doing.
Some time after this, my wife started
getting menopause symptoms, including
vaginal dryness. Despite using
lubricants, she had discomfort during sex,
which again made me feel selfish, like I'm
the only one who actually enjoyed it. It
totally killed my ability to perform.
When we had a death in the family, I got
depressed and started dwelling on these
things, and little by little got myself so
psyched out making myself feel like I
shouldn't be pushing for sex, that I just
stopped trying. My wife tried starting
things a few times, but I didn't really
respond, mostly because I knew we didn't
have enough lubricant on hand, and if I
said so it might make her feel like I was
blaming her. She hadn't bought more,
which I figured (due to the depression)
was because she didn't want to have sex.
I'm pretty much over the depression issue
with some good counseling and actually am
getting my sex drive back.
But she hasn't tried starting sex lately,
and I'm worried to because she has said on
at least two occasions that not having sex
for so long has thinned out her vaginal
tissues and it will make things even more
difficult for her.
So now I have no idea how to move forward
-- I'm worried about the discomfort factor
for her and know it will be very
guilt-inducing for me if we do try and she
has the kind of discomfort I'm worried
about.
I'd appreciate any suggestions, especially
from women who are
post-menopausal.
talk to her just like you are in here..
Tell her you love her and do not want to
be selfish but you want to make love to
her again like you use to. Ask her what
she needs from you for that to become
possible. Just be honest
|
womaninpain
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 10 Jul 2007 Posts: 179
Posted: 07-13-07 23:44pm
I agree that you should tell her all of
this...she needs to know because I think
that if she does know how you really feel
about it all things will change immensly.
I think that she would really appreciate
your consideration of her as well.
Also...have you ever tried initiating sex
at other times not just when laying in bed
at night when she is reading? Like say
when she is watching tv, or going to take
a shower, or early morning, or something
like this...maybe for her at that time sex
is not on her mind and she is just not
into it. Also the spontinaity might spark
something as well...we women we eat that
stuff up...makes us feel wonderful when
you guys look at us when we are cooking
dinner and want us.
