Ending a Relationship Forum - abusive marriage


abusive marriage

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MysticalStar

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 24 Aug 2005
Posts: 24

abusive marriage Posted: 07-03-07 12:49pm


I hope someone out there can help me. I have a very insecure husband. We have been married almost a year (we have been together a total of 3 years) we have a 7 month old daughter. My husband is verbally abusive and controlling and he cannot see it. He gets agitated on a daily basis and usually takes it out on me in the form of yelling and cussing me out. When he starts in with his rants, it physically makes me sick. I feel severe anxiety (i am already on medication for a anxiety disorder I have had most of my life) my throat closes up, and I feel nauseous. My husband will threaten to take my baby away from me and even go as far as to threaten my life if I try to get custody of her. He has also told me that he would kill my whole family if they helped me get custody. He says he will plant drugs in one of my personal items so I will go to jail. After all these horrible threats and the fight dies down, he will "pretend" to be sick (throwing up) and then get mad again and say I don't care about him cause I wasn't sympathizing with him. Then he starts crying and apologizing. He will say he didn't mean anything he said and that he was just mad. I can't take it anymore!!!! How do I leave him though? We live in a home next to my mother, she owns the house we pay rent to my mother. He refuses to leave. My main fear is having my baby taken from me. My husband's family is very dysfunctional, I don't want my baby being with him unsupervised. The only way to ensure that I will have my baby everyday, to protect her, is to let him stay and try to endure. I really need to add that both my husband and I have smoked marijuana, I don't do it near as often as he does, only when i'm really stressed out but it stays in your system for a few months so i'm screwed if I ever got tested. I fear my husband will somehow frame me and I will get my baby taken away. Can someone please help me!!!!!

Lookinglass

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Joined: 07 Jul 2007
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Location: California

Posted: 07-07-07 22:34pm


I really think you should contact the police and tell him all these threats he has made against you. Tell them all of his threats and that you need to get away from him. See if your mother can have him evicted from the property. Then you should get a restraining order against him. Also contact local womans' shelters and tell them your situation. I'm sure they'll be willing to help. As for the marijuana, I don't think it stays in your system for that long but even if it does marijuana possesion is a minor offense and no reason not to get yourself and your baby away from your husband. It sounds like he is very emotionally unstable and that his threats can't be taken seriously. Don't be scared to act, especially if you don't want your baby girl to grow up in a dysfunctional home. Me and my sibs grew up with an emotionally and verbally abusive father and now my sister is on the street, my youngest sister has severe anger problems, my brother is in jail and I am in therapy! So do what is best for you and your daughter. The worst you can do is stick around until he does something very bad to you or your daughter. Don't let that happen, please.

Willa Weintraub

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Joined: 05 Mar 2007
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Posted: 07-09-07 13:51pm


I agree witht he above.get away and go to the police.have your entire family get a restraining order againsthim.he is not worth anything and you need to get out with your daughter.once the court finds out how abusive he is he will not get custody.

childofgod777

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 28 Aug 2007
Posts: 35
Location: Indianapolis

Abusive Marriage Posted: 08-30-07 00:18am


First of all, stop smoking dope. Clean up your act. You won't lose your baby, if your not doing anything wrong. And don't use that as an excuse for not leaving. I have been in the same situation you're in right now, and I can tell you how to get away. Do you have a relative who lives out of town that your husband doesn't know about? If so, go there. Don't let him find out about it before you go. He is a sicko, who will eventually hurt you and maybe your baby. Do not stay, and let your child witness this craziness. It will affect that child for the rest of it's life. After you leave, cut your hair suckers as you can. Don't worry about it. It grows back. Before you leave, get a restraining order for yourself and your family. Tell a police officer your story, and get his name and badge number. This way you have proof of your fear of him. Don't tell the police officer that your planning to leave. Don't call him when you leave. DUMP HIM AND DON'T LOOK BACK. Don't listen to his threats. He won't follow through because of his drug use. He can't plant anything on you if he doesnt know where you're at. Wait until you are sure he is going to be gone for a while, then put everything you need in a bag and go fast. Tell your family to act surprised your gone, and tell them to keep in touch with him, to see if he has found you yet. Like that they are worried about you too. Tell them to be very careful about phone bills, that can tell him where your at. Don't leave them in the mailbox all day, and shred them before throwing them in the trash. Make sure you don't talk on the phone to your family while he might be in their house. If you call, and he's there, hang up, and call later. If he reports you for leaving with the child, say that he knew about it before and that you had his permission, and have your family back you up. I know this sound extreme, and underhanded, but, you are dealing with a psychopath. Be careful.

silverbullet52

New User, Becoming EHEALTHy

Joined: 17 Sep 2007
Posts: 4
Location: St. Petersburg, FL United States

Re: Abusive Marriage
Posted: 09-17-07 13:37pm

MysticalStar wrote:

I hope someone out there can help me. I have a very insecure husband. We have been married almost a year (we have been together a total of 3 years) we have a 7 month old daughter. My husband is verbally abusive and controlling and he cannot see it. He gets agitated on a daily basis and usually takes it out on me in the form of yelling and cussing me out. When he starts in with his rants, it physically makes me sick. I feel severe anxiety (i am already on medication for a anxiety disorder I have had most of my life) my throat closes up, and I feel nauseous. My husband will threaten to take my baby away from me and even go as far as to threaten my life if I try to get custody of her. He has also told me that he would kill my whole family if they helped me get custody. He says he will plant drugs in one of my personal items so I will go to jail. After all these horrible threats and the fight dies down, he will "pretend" to be sick (throwing up) and then get mad again and say I don't care about him cause I wasn't sympathizing with him. Then he starts crying and apologizing. He will say he didn't mean anything he said and that he was just mad. I can't take it anymore!!!! How do I leave him though? We live in a home next to my mother, she owns the house we pay rent to my mother. He refuses to leave. My main fear is having my baby taken from me. My husband's family is very dysfunctional, I don't want my baby being with him unsupervised. The only way to ensure that I will have my baby everyday, to protect her, is to let him stay and try to endure. I really need to add that both my husband and I have smoked marijuana, I don't do it near as often as he does, only when i'm really stressed out but it stays in your system for a few months so i'm screwed if I ever got tested. I fear my husband will somehow frame me and I will get my baby taken away. Can someone please help me!!!!!

Stop smoking dope, get a restraining order, and read The Emotionally Abusive Relationship by Beverly Engel. Just my opinion.