How much say should your own parents or
the parents of your significant other have
regarding your children? More importantly
how do you get them to mind their own
business (politley) when they have
overstepped?
Take My dh's stepmother
They just came out for a visit. She does,
like absolutely nothing ever that requires
any physical effort. She doesn't walk,
exercise, or do anything. it drives me
nuts.
I was putting sunblock on my 5 year old so
she could go outside and play "don't you
think it's too hot for her to be outside?"
well, it was 90 degrees out, but it's
going to be 90 degrees out for at least
the next month or two. What am I supposed
to do, keep her inside all the time?
I was lifting groceries out of the back of
my truck (something I might add that she
had no intention of helping me do) and she
said, "your'e going to hurt your back
doing that".
Hannah was chewing on some toys and she
kept putting them into the kitchen sink
because they were "dirty". if i did that,
she'd never have anything to play with.
She insists on buying stuff my the five
year old whenever she asks for soemthing.
She also has decided that she needs a
collection of porcelain dolls. She has
seven of them now, which she's not allowed
to play with and they just sit in boxes in
her closet because I have nowhere to put
them. She gets at least 2 or 3 a year.
Here's the kicker: She is under the
impression that both of my children have
recently sustained head injuries due to
"poor parental involvement", a "lack of
supervision", and the fact that I have my
1 year old in day care instead of staying
home with her "like I should be doing".
There is never enough duct tape for some
people.
So, how much say should one's parents have
in raising children?
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Jude-Love
Active User, Really EHEALTHy
Joined: 17 Jun 2007 Posts: 727 Location: Williamstown, Kentucky USA
Posted: 07-03-07 16:47pm
Parents should keep their mouths shut
unless actual abuse is going on. That's
just how I feel.
Raymond's mother is completely nosy and
pushy and I can tell it will be a problem
when we have children. For example, she
had a major problem when she found out I
wasn't taking Raymond's name. I think she
acted like it was an insult to them or
something, which is so ridiculous! So
now, to prove a point and because of "her
belief", she calls me Mrs. Bowman in front
of people all of the time. And sends me
things addressed to "Brandi Bowman". It
really really irks me. I decided that the
next time I get something in the mail with
that name on it, I'm going to send it
back.
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Eyes Wide Shut
Especially EHEALTHy
Joined: 04 Jan 2006 Posts: 7892 Location: *UPTOWN*NEW ORLEANS*, La
Posted: 07-03-07 17:09pm
oh wow...this is a tough one. Does your
husband know about her actions or what she
says?
I find it very easy to tell *my* mother
how I feel about what she says. But always
have to literally push myself to put
.baron's mother in check. And I think it's
because she's not *my* mother.
Baron has stepped in and told her about
herself on a couple occasions. I was fed
up with being the only one defending *our*
parenting style.
maybe, if you haven't already, let your
hubby know about everything she's saying.
it's like...can we as the mother's do
*anything* right in the in laws
eyes?!?!?!
Sarah
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 07-03-07 19:06pm
Yup, that is a hard one for sure. My
sister taught my mother pretty early on to
keep her lips zipped unless she's asked
for her thoughts. It carried over to
.Brianna. She just knows better now. I
do ask her for advice or thoughts, but she
only gives it when asked. She may do a
"well, when .I raised my kids...." but
that's it.
Mike's mom is another story all together.
My first issue is that she watches .Jaylon
while .I work, so .I have to be careful
not to step on her toes, at least not on
her turf. On my turf it's another story.
I will listen to it and take what she says
with a grain of salt. I may throw in a "a
lot has changed, hasn't it" when she says
something like, "well, .I gave all my
babies cereal at 2 weeks and they are just
fine". I have to say that is where she
and .I disagree the most.
She has a habit of comparing .Jaylon to an
8 month old she watches and that irritates
me a bit. I'll say, "well, when .Jaylon
is 8 months old, .I'm sure he'll____blah
blah blah". I walk away if .I can because
.I know if .I don't .I'll blow my top.
One evening .I had a couple captain and
cokes and she started in and .I said in my
sweetest voice, "well, you sure .D.I.D
raise some great kids didn't you?" She
got the hint/
Sometimes to save face you have to listen
to it. If my mil were to make comments
about my being a bad parent, she would be
shown the door. Period.
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kaerbear
Most Diplomatic Poster
Joined: 10 Apr 2007 Posts: 1557 Location: ,
Posted: 07-03-07 19:56pm
i'm lucky in that i have rich's mom and
she's a sweet woman who doesn't get overly
involved in her kids' lives. she's there
but not all the time and she isn't a
demanding or critical type of person,
thank god. my mom and i have some
problems in our relationship but most of
the time i know how to handle her. i
think it's really very sad when the
parents and grandparents can't get along
and the kids don't get to see their
grandparents anymore. this happened with
my brother's wife. she is a real
ballbreaker and control freak and she has
cut him off from his whole family and we
don't see my nieces anymore (for 10 years
now). my mom is still heartbroken over
this, as am i because i was so close to
them. but we did our best to get along,
it just wasn't good enough for her. we
even went for counselling twice but she
finally admitted that it wasn't us, she
just didn't want us around "her" family.
anyway. i think it's good that most
parents, like you ladies, do your best to
get along and tolerate the quirks of your
kids' grandparents. i think for the most
part they are just trying to help and they
don't see any harm in their meddling. i
think you need to pick your battles when
it comes to the grandparents and draw
clear boundaries around the things that
really are important to you. kids just
love their grandparents so much and the
grandparents often have the time and
energy for the kids when parents get tired
out. if anything, i think it's mostly a
generation gap that causes the differences
of opinion.
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Mommy35
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 23 Sep 2006 Posts: 3165 Location: Vacationland, USA,
Posted: 07-03-07 20:03pm
Usually parents or inlaws meddle because
they care. They know now what they did
wrong and are trying to help us not make
the same mistakes they made.
My mother always says your first child is
your guinnea pig, the one you make all
your mistakes with and the more kids you
have the more perfect you become. She's a
bit sarcastic.
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Magical Logic
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 14 Mar 2006 Posts: 2248
Posted: 07-03-07 22:05pm
with my first marraige my in laws or i
should say just my father in law he hated
me so every chance he got to start
something he did. he was one of the reason
we spilt i could not stand being married
to the whole family . they were always up
in our bussiness.
with my husband now . his father dont get
in our business. his grandma will try to
every once in awhile but we just tell her
to shut up.
as far as my side of the family i dont
speak to my father and never will ever
again. well i will have something to say
if when he dies they try to bury his sorry
as@ next to my mother.
i hear yeah my dh mom always butted in and
lied to him about me every chance she got
my fav is that my 2nd child my 1st with
him wasnt his ( she looks like him for
gods sake ) and i have a secrete bank
account and then she told people at my
work ( she worked there too and she was
living with us as well ) that i had to get
married cause i was preg....i got married
oct 30 she was born in sept. that was a
looonnnggg preg. and that we .....like
rabbits everynight. well i havent had to
put up with her for over 3 maybe 4 years
now she lives in georgia my dh wised up
and kicked her !@# to the curb oh what
bliss.
