I'm writing on this board because I'm not
sure where else to turn to. I recently
broke it off with my boyfriend because he
has a drinking problem. He refuses to
admit that he is an alcoholic, but he
drinks all day, everyday and is usually
drunk by 4pm. He's confrontational,
verbally and mentally abusive, and just an
emotional mess when he drinks. I left him,
and explained to him that I couldn't
enable him any longer and that I loved him
but I hated the alcohol. He says I'm
dramatic and as always, tries to turn
everything back around on me, so that
everything is my fault, and never his. He
doesn't believe that me leaving had
anything to do with him, and that I did it
because I thought it'd be easier for me.
I've had little contact with him in the
recent days, and every time we do talk he
is yelling at me or blaming me for
something, or saying that he hates me and
never wants to talk to me again, but calls
a day later with the same cycle. I'm
wondering if there's anything I can do to
help him or if I should just leave him
alone. He lives with his mother who
enables him so much that it's sick, and
I'm scared she's helping him to kill
himself. I truly love him, but I also love
myself and I'm not sure what to do. I'd
like to help him, but I'm not sure if or
how that I am. I apologize for the length
of this post, but I'm just very confused!
Any feedback would be wonderful, thanks
for reading!
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skurm002
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 07 Jul 2007 Posts: 1 Location: Florida
Posted: 07-07-07 09:29am
I also have been dating an
achololic/addict for a year. It has been
hell. I see him as two differant people.
The addict lies, steals and tells you
whatever you need to hear. The other is
sweet and dedicated. He has never been
abusive he just makes himself physically
ill. The last episode he revealed he was
addicted to painkillers for the last three
months, stole my credit card and pawned my
wedding rings (I am divorced) I was
devistated kicked him out. After about a
week he ended up in a 30 day treatment
program and is doing well. He sounds like
a different person. Not begging to come
home, not desperate and taking
responsibility. He leaves treatment in a
week and I told him he can not come home
until he proves he can live a responsible
clean life for a while. My question is I
have claimed with my credit card company
that the charges are unauthorized, he
knows this and I am afraid he will go to
jail for this. I know it is his fault but
does anyone have any advice?
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ccc
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 12 Jul 2007 Posts: 8
Posted: 07-12-07 19:29pm
skurm002
wrote:
I also have been dating an
achololic/addict for a year. It has been
hell. I see him as two differant people.
The addict lies, steals and tells you
whatever you need to hear. The other is
sweet and dedicated. He has never been
abusive he just makes himself physically
ill. The last episode he revealed he was
addicted to painkillers for the last three
months, stole my credit card and pawned my
wedding rings (I am divorced) I was
devistated kicked him out. After about a
week he ended up in a 30 day treatment
program and is doing well. He sounds like
a different person. Not begging to come
home, not desperate and taking
responsibility. He leaves treatment in a
week and I told him he can not come home
until he proves he can live a responsible
clean life for a while. My question is I
have claimed with my credit card company
that the charges are unauthorized, he
knows this and I am afraid he will go to
jail for this. I know it is his fault but
does anyone have any
advice?
Yea as part of real recovery he has to
reap what he sowed.. that means stop
trying to prevent the consequences all of
us face (non alcoholics) if we break the
law. I guarentee he will learn not to do
that again or at least all actions clean
or drunk have consequences! A great book
to read is: Keeping them Sober.. unlike
the title sounds its full of straight
forward advice for us enablers. Caring
about and caring FOR are two different
things. I have lived this and I also
counsel addicts all day long.. trust me
consequences are the best teacher esp for
people with addictions.. beside he will
probably get a slap on the wrist our
courts tend to be too lenient but thats
another issue.
Oh and make him prove to himself and you
that he will remain clean and that doesnt
mean a few monthes it means about three
years! Go SLOW I learned the hard way!
