Im Preg

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hi vicki, welcome to the forum and congrats on the pregnancy. wow. i'm a little bit worried about what both of you said about your boyfriends. i think you really need to take it seriously. no amount of abuse is safe or acceptable and you really shouldn't tolerate it from anyone, much less the man who is supposed to love and take care of you. now that you have a baby on the way, that needs to be your number one priority. you really, really need to think about how your boyfriends' behaviour could affect your baby. you need to read about and talk to your doctor about shaken baby syndrome and make sure that your boyfriends get educated about it too. all it takes is a moment of frustration and anger to shake a baby and once the damage is done there is no going back. becoming a parent is .n.o.t easy and there will be a lot of challenges in the future for all of you. you need to talk to someone and figure out how you are going to cope with the stress of being parents. i really hope more of the ladies on here will back me up on this because it is really important that you understand the seriousness of it. your boyfriends need to understand that it's grow up time and things need to change when it comes to how they handle their tempers so they don't end up hurting the family they are there to protect. i really wish you all the best and i hope everything turns out great for you. i'm just worried about you or your baby getting hurt so i hope you will take what i have said to heart. okay? good luck!!

Yea the most i have ever had is bruises and they have been where no one can see them...
Darrick dose it over the little thing like me not being awake when he gets home from work at 11:30. if i try and walk away it only makes things worse so i just normally sit there and take it.. i wish i could say that when i found out i was preg it stoped but it didnt it dosent happen as often and he's only hit me in the belly once...

Yes i know its not safe for me and my baby but it beats living on the streets

living on the streets or being beaten are not the only two options you know. you need to be more resourceful if you are going to be responsible for another life, your baby's. if your partner will go as far as to hit you in the stomach while you are pregnant what is he going to do to your baby when it cries all night and doesn't understand "be quiet"? you have a choice whether to be there or not, your baby doesn't have that choice. you need to rethink things now because you are going to be a mother and your priorities need to shift away from what you want to what your baby needs. one of the things your baby needs is to be protected. i'm not judging you. my own father was an abusive drunk when i was a baby and my mom stayed with him until i was 3. if you think having a baby is going to make anything better you're wrong because he is still hitting you when he knows his own baby is inside you. if your baby is hurt by him whose fault will it be?

I know someone just like you, my sister. She's 32 and her children are now 12 and 10, and her piece of garbage husband (who looks great on paper-good job, nice house) decided about 3 years ago to start hitting her. He would go as far as pulling her out of bed at 1:00 in the morning and start hitting her (this is after he woke his children to watch!). If he is hitting you now, your situation could very easily escilate to something far more dangerous for you or your unborn child. There are way too many options out there to keep yourself in that situation. I know it's your first love and I know how deep it runs, but I also know that my first love cheated on me and gave me herpes( he was the only person I had ever slept with). My current love and myself have been together for 8 years. When I got pregnant with our daughter, I had to be sooo careful because stress will make me have an outbreak. If I were to have my daughter vaginally (which I did) and have any sores, she could have become blind. Some problem I dated 7 years before then could have made my baby blind! You are both young and inexperienced in life. I know you want to be independent and not have to answer to anyone but yourself but you have to realize how dangerous your situation is. Do you know what the #1 cause of death for a pregnant woman is? Homicide, usually by the baby's father. I don't mean to scare you, but you need to believe in yourself and if you believe, it will make you a stronger person both for your baby and yourself. If you enable him to keep hitting you, he will... just like my sister!

honey
dont listen to people who dont know the whols story
they dont know you and they DONT know their life

i think alot of girls are trying to help but they just dont understand
you know what i meen
do whats best for you and if you truly need to get out there are people who can help
stay strong for your baby

yea i know its not a good place to be but im scared ,,,,, hes family is so good to me and its so hard i just wish my parents would be suported but all they think is im some screw up that is preg. a 2nd time i dont know wat i am going to do but thanks for all of you that are posting it really makes me think

i hope you don't feel picked on. it's just concern for you and your baby. i hope you will still come by here and share because there are a lot of women with experience that you can talk to if you need to. we aren't here to judge you or anything, it's just the thought of someone hurting you or your baby. i hope everything turns out great for you.

i'm just putting some information up if you happen to be interested or need someone else to talk to.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
http://www.ndvh.org/help/ind ex.html

Illinois Coalition Against Domestic Violence
801 S. 11 th Street
Springfield, IL 62703
(217) 789-2830 Fax: (217) 789-1939
Website: www.ilcadv.org
Email: ilcadv@ilc adv.org

No one is picking on this girl or judgeing her. The problem is, is that she is pregnant, and in an abusive relationship.

.N.E.V.E.R is it ok for a man to hit a woman. Especially if she is pregnant. Not even if the girl thinks that she deserved it. It's just not right.

Please don't justify your boyfriends actions. If you have a problem with his violence and you are living with his family, then go to his parents about it. They will probably not be ok with the fact that their son is an abusive boyfriend.

Please stay safe for your sake and for your baby.

I dont think anyone is picking on me or judging me. i know you all are concerned and i am so thankfull to have people that care its so diffrent... Me and darrick live on our own just so everyone knows.. Thanks to all of you for posting its very helpfull so please keep posting!

Honey, let me tell you something. I have been hit by one man....and I vowed that no man will ever hit me again. It's hard to get out of.....exspecially if you love the person. But think about it. He hit you in your stomach....even if it was only that once. You have to start thinking about that little baby too. You should never take a man hitting you. He never has the right or a good reason too. All I can say is that what a young child grows up around and what they see...it affects them. In some cases they also become abusive. If he hits you....who's to say that the child will be any different? It's hard to get out of exspecially when you have no where to go....but to be honest there's always somewhere. A friends maybe...there's even certain types of housing for women in your position. You just have to take it one step at a time.

I understand that you're scared and don't know what to do. But if you're planning on keeping this baby, you need to start thinking like a mother. If he's showing violence now towards you, he'll probably be violent towards your baby. As a mother, it's your responsibility to protect your child from harm whenever you're able. Unless he goes into anger management, he will probably not get better. In fact, he'll probably get worse after the baby's born. Babies take a lot of patience, and it doesn't sound like he'll be able to handle it without resorting to violence.

If he's hitting you, you need to leave. That's all there is to it. Just like you need to protect your baby, you also need to protect your baby's mother. That baby is relying on you to keep him/her safe and warm inside your body - protect your body with everything you have. You can contact your local women's shelter if you need a place temporarily. Contact your friends, his parents, anyone you know - and find out what your resources are. Babies require a lot, and you need to get the ball rolling as soon as possible.

Good luck.

I talked to him today and really got emotional about it i think what i said really got through to him and all night he was really easy to get a long with so maybe but as of right now imnot going to leave him my baby needs a father i have grown up without one and i hate it i dont want it to be this way for my baby...

Hi there.....My name is Erica and I am now 29 years old. I got pregnant when I was 19 by someone who I thought was the love of my life....he wasn't abusive at first but then became abusive and like you- I called him on it and he would cry and apologize and swear he would never do it again...repeatedly...before I got preg I would defend myself but when I was preg I covered my stomach and he threw a baseball cap at me and the visor hit my stomach and I had a 7 in long bruise across my very pregnant belly...I was stupid to stay with this guy, but I loved him and was very naive to his manipulations...so here I am 10 years later with 2 kids from him and I do not let him see them - not for the abuse- but he doesn't work, is in trouble with the law, etc....So I work a full time job and it saddens me that they are 8 and 6 now and I miss so much because I have to do it all on my own so just think about the future- my girls have seen many fights and heard him say horrible things and kids do not need to see that, I put him BEFORE my children and luckily nothing severe happened but I still should have left long before I did. I do however have a wonderful bf now and he helps me with the girls....I am not judging- just trying to help with an experience story and in 10 years your thinking will be completely different than it is now....trust me. I hope all goes well with you and your baby but the chances of him stopping are slim because abusive behavior weather verbal, physical or emotional does not go away without some sort of help...

*claps* well said herbert1063! i applaud you in your achievement of kicking that douche bag to the curb!

Ya me too.......but it took A LOT of strength because he wouldn't go away...and short of calling the police there was nothing I could do...so I called the police....I love my kids more than anything.....just thinking about how their situation was then makes me sick that I let it happen.....NO abuse is okay, I remember when he would hit me he would hold me after because I would hide in the corner and he would say "see what you make me do??" as he is crying- oh if I could just kill one person and get a way with it...they shoot you down, they kill your self esteem, its not right EVER!

how bout instead of killing him you just find a way to shoot him and not let him get help till the last possible second... now that would be a good payback, not that it would be right... but it would cause more emotion and physical damage that would at least measure up to a day of pain caused by him

Hey, I like your way of thinking!!! Oh believe me he will get his - he is now with a real hooker who has a daughter that she can barely take care of and he just got her pregnant- for the second time- he left her the first time and she had to pay for the abortion herself and she took him back and now she is preg again- so ya what goes around comes around and i just want to sit back and watch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!