18 Old American Girl Fell In Love With Me Posted: 07-04-07 11:37am
I'm 28 year old Russian guy.Last year I
registered at Myspace and tried to make
friends from USA to learn english.I met at
this place one girl of 18 from american
countryside.She opened her heart to me and
I discovered that she was raped and
physically abused by her step dad at age
of 10.Really this is shocking.She is very
tall(6'2''),blond and beautiful girl.I
wrote her that she's beautifull and if it
would be possible I'd marry her.And this
was the begining of the story.After 2
months she told me that she can't live
without me,that I'm her soul mate and in
USA she will never find a guy like me.I
had conversations by Web cam and telephone
with her.I started to fall in love with
her too.
But I'm russian and do not have enough
money.She is also from very poor
family.Also there're some tensions between
USA and Russia.Right know I'm trying to
pass exams to get to US gradschool,because
it's the only one chance for me to get to
this country and meet this girl.
But I have one question.How the physical
abuse of girl-kid can affect her future
marital life? My girlfriend told me that
she often have the nightmares in which she
is forced by men. She has this nightmares
since 13.
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entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Re: 18-year-old Girl Fell In Love With Me Posted: 07-04-07 20:27pm
Hello from across the world!
I'm sorry to read about your plight. You
sound like a very sympathetic young man.
Let's start with the first part of your
post and take it from there:
Fom what I've read and heard on the radio
here about Myspace (and I'll tell you
right now I'm old enough to be your mom so
Myspace isn't part of my generation) there
has been a great deal of
misrepresentation. In other words, people
may (and I said *may*) not really be as
they seem. It's so easy to hide behind
anonymity and portray yourself as some one
you're not. With digital technology I
could scan a photograph of a friend and
portray her as me. There have been many
sexual predators on Myspace posing as
teens to try and set up meetings with
other teens (I'm NOT saying she's one of
those).
True story: a friend of mine's brother
divorced his wife for someone he met on
Myspace. She moved over 1,000 miles away
to marry him. A week after they finally
met he dumped her.
Let me get this straight: you're 10 years
older than this woman and after two months
of doing whatever one does on Myspace she
tells you she's your soul mate and will
never find anyone like you.
I still remember when I was 18--I was in
University and I was mad for a guy who
didn't know that I existed. I finally got
him to notice me and another of my friends
"stole" him away. I wasn't angry with her
because I knew I never had a chance with
him.
It wasn't much longer than that that I met
my first "True Love" and went on a 4+ year
rollercoaster. I thought he was "The
One"--I had never planned on marrying and
he really turned my head (if you don't
understand some of my slang, feel free to
PM).
That relationship started out great and
ended up badly but I learned a great deal
from it. For example, someone who you
think is "The One" when you are young may
not be "The One" when you are a few years
older. I know that when I was 18 I
thought I knew it all and could handle
anything. Now I'm 50 and I know even less
than I did then.
She adores you but a long-distance
relationship isn't the way to finalize
things. (I speak from bitter experience
on that one, too). The only way a
relationship can really develop is to
spend time together. I realize that you
have a special case--it's not like you can
pack up and come thousands of miles on a
whim. And at 18 a young woman (unless she
has $$) can't afford to fly across the
world, either. Even if you could, say for
a holiday, the time you spend together
wouldn't begin to show the real you. It's
way too magical, too unrealistic. It's
only after the glitter wears off that you
can see whether or not the romantic
feelings you have for each other have a
basis. A relationship has to have a
friendship as a basis on which to build
something more.
It could be because I moved 1000 miles
away from where I grew up to be with a guy
I met (21 or so years ago) and it didn't
work out (I think the relationship was on
the downhill before I moved down) that I
see all kinds of red (warning) flags for
you.
The age thing is the first thing--you've
been through parts of life she has yet to
experience. She's not that far out of
secondary school and you've been to
University. I wasn't anywhere near the
same person between the ages of 18 and 28.
As one gets older the age difference
doesn't matter as much because the
experiences that people go through just
don't cause the same amount of change that
they do when one is younger.
I don't want to burst your bubble or rain
on your parade about her but if it was me
I would be extremely careful about falling
in love with someone you've never met.
It's very easy to project your feelings
onto that person (in other words, since
you love to go to museums, she loves to go
to museums) and fill in gaps that person
has left with things you think match what
you imagine what she is.
Falling in love is such a wonderful
feeling--makes you want to jump over
mountains, takes your feet off the ground,
gives you a tremendous feeling of being
wanted and feeling special. That
experience doesn't change regardless of
age--I've had "crushes" on several men
throughout my life and when I see or hear
them I feel like dancing. The reality is
much different and I'd like to think I'm
wise enough to know that those feelings
are just passing (I'm also married and
have no intention of ruining my
marriage).
My thoughts on your first paragraph is
beware, my friend. Slow down. This thing
seems to be moving way to fast for two
people who have never met.
OK, now that I probably have you angry
with me, let's address the second part of
your question about the abuse she's
suffered. Has she ever said anything
about seeing a mental health professional
(a psychologist, a psychiarist) about
this? Has she said she's ever shared this
story with anyone else (a trusted friend,
a teacher, a member of the clergy, for
example)?
Recovering from that experience is not
easily done on one's own. That kind of
injury is worse than a physical injury
because broken bones heal and the scar
eventually goes away. Not so with
emotional injury. It can color one's
experiences for the rest of one's life.
I was almost raped when I was in my early
20s--I got away before it happened. I
never sought help for it because I figured
I could heal on my own. For the most part
I think I've dealt with it but I can't
walk down a darkened street, even with
someone (or a group of people) because I'm
terrified I'm being followed by someone
who will do me harm (rape, not homicide).
My heart beats faster and I'm ready to
take off running.
I do believe that it has caused me to
have, at my core, a distrust of men. I
can't bring myself to fully open myself up
to them because they'll irrepairably (hope
I spelled that right, don't think so) harm
me. You're probably saying to yourself
"this poster says she's married and she
can't trust men?". I love my husband as
much as I can, but as far as a physical
relationship goes I can't let go of that
fear. (I was married when I was 3.
Even when I was single and had
relationships with men, I knew what they
wanted and was able to take advantage of
that to keep them from getting too
physically close to me. It made me very
hard and bitter towards them for a very
long time.
I beleive that her experience like this
can affect her future relationship with
any man. You don't know her past
history--it could be that every guy she's
met she's felt has been her soul mate then
the relationship ends. But this is
something that she must handle herself
(possibly with the help of a mental
professional). The dreams may indicate
that this is something she hasn't been
able to get through and until the dreams
stop (or diminish), this could spell
trouble. No amount of love from you can
take this terrible experience away from
her.
You can be supporting and sympathetic
but:
1. IF you get to a graduate school here
(the political tensions between our two
countries aren't between people like you
and me),
2. IF you meet her,
3. IF there's enough attraction there to
SLOWLY build a relationship, and
4. IF the two of you agree to get
physically involved
there's still a chance that her past may
derail any chances of your going any
farther.
Of course, you can hold out hope that this
will work itself out but sometimes it
doesn't. Are you willing to sacrifice the
life you have "over there" for someone you
may not know if she walked in the door
with this emotional baggage? You aren't
planning on marrying her the minute you
get her, right? Actually, you may not be
able to because of immigration/citizenship
stuff (being American-born I don't know
what the complications are, but I don't
think a foreign-born person can marry an
American after a very short time). Is
your paperwork all in order to come over
here? It used to take six months for
foreign-born citizens to get their visas
renewed here. Now it's at least 18 months
(one of my colleagues is having problems
getting his work visa renewed because of
this).
Come to grad school over here if you can
afford it or get some kind of grant or
scholarship but you must realize that you
have a great deal to overcome to get this
thing to work--and some of it you can't
do, she'll have to. If you can risk
potential disappointment and heartache
then go for it.
One thing about being in a different
place, away from family and friends (you
especially) is that one learns to be
self-reliant. It may take some bumps in
the road to learn how to do it, but you'll
make friends here who can help you through
some of your rough times.
Do you have friends over there you can
talk to about this? Sometimes just
discussing this with your friends may help
you see things that you may not realize.
Good luck and please post again. I think
your English is very good. I would love
to learn Russian once I can get past your
alphabet . I studied French
in elementary, secondary and university
(can't remember much anymore) but the
letters were the same.
I know I talk too much--I really did try
to edit this a little. I know you wanted
a reply and I didn't want to think that
people on this forum weren't friendly.
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 07-05-07 14:23pm
Just make sure she knows you loev ad care
for her and do not push any issues on
sex.let her go at her own pace and you
have to be very patient and understanding
and not get upset with her.even if it
comes down to it and you almost have sex
and she backs out,you have to respect
that.I hope things work out and you get to
be together.
She went thru a lot in her teen
years.Really I don't understand why in
such a wealthy country as USA there're
such cruel men. Soon after this tragic
accident she tried to commit suicide and
than got into mental hospital with
postraumatic stress and bipolar
disorder.She has not taking pill for
almost 5 years,so it seems that now she
can overcome all this.
She is so beatifull that when I first saw
her picture I thought I was impossible
that such a girl just paid a little
attention to me.But it happens.
I spent more than 100 hours talking with
her by telephone and sky.We also talked by
web cam and exchanged photos.Moreover I
talked with her relatives.I've made her so
lucky that she misses my voice badly.
Love is so miracle and so powerfull
force!
Well,though our relationships are still
virtual,they already went too far.
She feels not just romantic love,but
sensual.It fears me a bit.She has wild
fantasy and our talks becomes too hot.She
wants some kind of forcing.Seems like she
is a mazochist girl a bit.I do not know
what is the reason of it.Her stepdad
beated her hardly and regularly,make her
starving,one time he broke her arm.After
rape he was sent to jail.
But she didn't even tell this to her
mom,because her mom served at military
base at the other country at that time.
I hope that my story will have the happy
end.
This girl suffered too much and she
deserves to be happy and have a family and
the kids.I try to make her happy,but it's
a long way right now.
Money is the biggest concern.I really have
to find out something to be with her.
My friends think that I'm doing wrong
because there're so many girls in
Russia.But I know that it's so hard to
find a person who will really fall in love
with you,despite you are not famous or
rich.
My girl even ready to go to Russia and
live with me there.She doesn't afraid of
work in countryside.
I hope everything's gonna be OK.I try my
best to make it true.
Excuse me please for my english.Hope my
thoughts are understandable.
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1389 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:59
Reread Posted: 07-06-07 10:11am
Tempus, go back and reread what entices1
wrote. This person knows exactly what she
is talking about. I too hit hte big 50
this month and have been through so much
in this life. You seem to be an
intelligent and loving person. Keep your
guard up and don't let you heart get
broken. There are so many cruel people out
there who will play upon your emotions! I
have a niece we adopted from Russia 7
years ago. Can you write for me in
Russian: I LOVE YOU................. so
that I may teach her? Take care guy!
I try to be optimistic,but I know that
life is not easy and especially when two
persons get together.I absolutely
confident that my girl is a real person
and her feeling to me are so strong.Maybe
we both go too far.We didn't meet each
other in real,but it's so hard to hadle
the emotions and feeling,they can handle
you instead.For me it's also very
important because it happens for the first
time in my life.
OK.There's some Russian :
I love you -Я люблю тебя.(Sounds
like- Ya l'jubl'ju tebya) But to say it
correct one have surely listen to russian
sample of this sentence.
There's something that makes me sad a
bit.What if I will fail and will not be
able to be with her.I will broke her heart
than.I don't want it.
But I cheer up and hope.
|
entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Love Across the Sea Posted: 07-07-07 11:20am
Hello, Moscow!
As far as abusive relationships go, it
doesn’t matter where one lives, one’s
financial status, or anything else. I
think that there are more cases of abuse
everywhere that go unreported, some of
these may be cultural.
As far as your “American Girl” goes, I
worry about the fact that she’s not
taking any meds anymore. I’m slightly
bipolar (I think I may be more bipolar
than I realize) and have depression. I
got off my meds for awhile (at the
direction of my primary care physician)
and my life started spinning out of
control. I had a meltdown and ended up
seeing a psychiatrist (I was very
fortunate to have seen one the day of the
meltdown and was at home when it
happened). I was told I would be on them
for the rest of my life.
This could be the reason that she’s
interested in getting more, shall we say,
“flirty” with you. I think her past
may have something to do with this. 100
hours of across-the-world face time still
isn’t enough. I think you need to slow
things down a great deal. Yeah, it’s
kinda fun to do this, but you have to make
a line that you won’t cross. If the
conversation starts getting close to the
line then the conversation ends. Better
yet, don’t go down that path. There are
facts that prostitutes (and I’m *not*
saying she’s one of them) have been
abused as children and don’t know how to
handle a “normal” loving relationship.
I’ll bet she’s never contacted you in
the middle of the night that friends can
sometimes do. You still have to be around
each other physically for some time to
really see how she is in different
situations. How did you get in contact
with her relatives and how do you know
they’re her relatives? I’m sorry to
sound so cynical but there are just too
many red flags going up for you.
Love really can be such a wonderful
thing—it’s so great to have someone
you desire finds you desirable. But it
can also drive you crazy. I have a friend
I love dearly that’s going through a
journey to wellness from depression right
now and the fact I can’t take a magic
wand (hi, Fairy*Godmother! )and take all
of his sadness and put in on myself just
tears at my heart. In fact, my heart is
broken over this. I cried every day for
six weeks and I still cry every so often.
We chat every so often and there are times
he just beats himself up. I’m being as
sympathetic and supportive as I can to him
but it’s still very frustrating. At
least he’s finally going for help and I
dream of the day he’ll be able to feel
comfortable in his skin.
This thing about moving far, far away
“for good” is way too dangerous at
this point. A visit (if either of you can
afford three weeks or so) might be a good
start, and of course, keeping in contact
with her. As I said earlier, I moved over
1,000 miles away from family and friends
for a relationship that burned out not
long after I got there. I went there eyes
wide open, knowing that there was a 50%
chance of it not working out. It’s one
thing to go from one part of the country
to another (especially one the size of
Russia), and quite another to go to
another country where the language is
completely foreign. She would have to
start to learn the language so she
wouldn’t be completely dependent on you
to understand what’s going on.
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of
the late Serene Highness, Princess Grace
of Monaco. She was an American movie star
(Grace Kelly) who married HSH Prince
Ranier back in 1956 (not too long before I
was born). I just finished a book about
her and she was very miserable much of the
time. She really missed America and had
lots of American things shipped to her
that she really missed. She had to learn
French to communicate with the Monagasques
(I think that’s the spelling of the
natives of Monaco). She moved waay across
the ocean to rule a county. She was lucky
to be able to fly to America at the drop
of a hat. I don’t think you’ll have
that opportunity.
You two won’t do that but again, what
happens if it doesn’t work out?
You’re getting better with your English
but you’d tend to be around people who
come from Russia (if you go to school
here). It just happens. You have more in
common with them that you would with her
and it’s just plain easier than having
to speak English all the time. It happens
here. I see it at work—the
Spanish-speaking people tend to gravitate
to each other, the people from India can
be kind of clannish, even the
African-Americans will band together.
Unless one has satellite television no
chance to watch Russian TV and DVDs from
are not compatible with DVD players over
here.
So you found an American woman. She may
make you happy for now but you may find
someone else. You haven’t mentioned
anything about your friends to us, except
that they seem to be critical of what
you’re doing. Do you have any friends
that you really trust, that you can lean
on as you’re going through this? Women
can especially be sympathetic, especially
at your age. Most of them have gone
through their first “True Love”
experience and have had their heart broken
at least once. They may be able to give
you some insight that Melissa,
Fairy*Godmother and I can’t. There are
international marriages in US all the time
and it’s no big deal. The first 10
years are the hardest, particularly when
one is starting from Square One.
Why do you consider yourself a failure
because you can’t be with her? No one
wants to fail but if the two if you
can’t get together then it’s not in
the cards for you. You may be able to see
each other at some point but I think you
have stars in your eyes right now.
Keep yourself busy with things you
enjoy—what are your hobbies (besides
sharing computer time with her)? You have
to be happy with yourself before you can
be happy with her. Define yourself in
terms of yourself and not in terms of her
(in other words, you feel you’re a
failure if you can’t make her happy).
She has to find happiness in herself,
too.
Please keep posting, and I’d like to
learn some Russian. Let’s see, what
would I like to learn? How about
“Hello, it’s nice to hear from
you”?
Good luck!
Camille
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Fairy*Godmother
Supporter
Joined: 11 Oct 2003 Posts: 1389 Location: , Georgia USA
Thanks: 48
Thanked:59
Go Girl! Posted: 07-07-07 17:14pm
Camille, you have got it together
girlfriend. I do hope Tempus will read and
reread what we have written. You have
basically told him what he needs to hear,
if he'd just listen. I know its hard on
your heart, but this is likehis reality
check got lost in the mail.............
Tempus, get a grip dude, you are far too
intelligent to fall inot a trap.
There are a thousand of us girls out here
who could write to you (private message)
telling oyu we;d love to meet you, send
you a pic and maybe not even a real
picture of us, one we've found. We could
tell oyu a heart break stroy and play upon
your heart....be there are people like
myself and Camille who do not want to see
youget hurt. We can read between the lines
because it seems we've already been
there.......... Thanks for the Russian I
Love You for my little niece. I tried to
write it down and will send this to her in
Mondays mail! Keep in touch!
I know that in general there're so little
chances that virtual relationships can
turn in to strong love.But it's not a rule
of thumb.Every situation is unique and
there's no identical love stories.I'm
confident that it's the chance for both
us.
Let me write something about my family.I'm
the oldest among 8 kids.I have 6 sisters
and a brother.Unfortunately,my family got
into great mess and troble.I have too much
relatives who developed mental problems.My
aunt got it at 16,and my brother and one
of my sisters at 21 and 22 respectively.
Thank God the other do not have it.I'm not
medical specialist,so I don't know if it's
hereditary or no.But that's why it's
really difficult me to make a family with
russian girl.It's easy to find girl for
free love but it's not what I want.
In Russia people who have mental
problems,no matter if it's very mild or
more strong are practially drawn out from
live.The general attitude to such people
is very negative.So I don't want to end up
relationships due to it.
This american girl shows completely
different.I have no doubts that she's
deeply in love with,she's craving for
it.But her mom also has the problem with
it .She has bipolar and panic attacts in
crowd.So she's on medication.
I've talked with father of this girl.He's
agressive and crude.He refuse to claim
her his daughter.
My girl wants to have a lot of
kids,actually she's Mormon.But I don't
know what the result will be.If the kids
that will born will have more chances to
develop mental problems than in case I
will marry the ordinary girl?
This is the main concern for me.Maybe if
there will be a lot of kids,some of them
could avoid this danger due to pure
probability.
As for Russian lesson,there're some :
Hello or Hi ---Привет(Privet)
My name is--- Меня зовут (Menya
zovut)
1-один-odin
2- два-dva
3-три-tree
4- четыре-chetyre
5-пять-pyat'
6-шесть-shest'
7-семь-sem'
8-восемь-vosem'
9-девять-dev'yat'
10 десять-des'yat'
Day-день(den')
Night-ночь(notch)
Guy-парень(paren')
Man-Мужчина(Muzhchina)
Little girl-девочка(devochka)
Girl-девушка(devushka)
Woman-женщина(zhenschina)
Life-жизнь(zhizn')
|
entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Hoping Against Hope Posted: 07-10-07 20:23pm
Привет!
You're right, some long-distance romances
do turn into love, but that usually
happens after the two are together in the
same place, not thousands of miles apart.
What do you mean by "mental problems" in
your family (you don't have to respond)?
I've indirectly found out that depression
runs in mine. As far as hereditary goes,
it's entirely possible the problems may
be. I have some physical problems I've
inherited from my mom (thanks, mom! ):
migraine headaches and restless leg
syndrome (RLS, where the legs almost want
to move by themselves--very uncomfortable)
come to mind. Both my mom and one of her
brothers have the migraines and RLS, and
thinking back farther, my mother's father
had RLS).
I also found out that my father's mother
had depression and was hospitalized for it
years ago (it's a vague memory but still
strong). I found out through a cousin who
is doiing a family history on my dad's
side that many of our relatives have
depression.
Are you saying you don't want to marry a
Russian girl because she may have the same
genes as you and there may be problems
with children? Well, my dear, it happens
in what appear to be the healthiest of
families. No one knows why, going back
through family medical histories don't
reveal anything, nothing going through the
pregnancy records indicates anything.
These things happen on a molecular
level--something causes our genetic makeup
to change (for example, develop
alcoholism) and that gets passed along
through the generations. It could be only
the boys who get it, or the girls, or the
oldest boy, whatever.
There's no such thing as an "ordinary"
girl. We all have our little ways about
us that don't necessarily make themselves
known at an early age. I didn't develop
migraines or RLS until after I was 40.
I've had one cyst removed from my right
breast last year and today I found out I
have two in my left one. Since I was 40 I
developed kidney stones (not before).
There's no ordinary guy, either.
Somewhere in his genetic makeup there are
things that he will pass along to his
offspring, good things as well as bad.
With this American Girl, I just see so
much trouble ahead. You know she's
unstable for a variety of reasons, that
she doesn't take her meds and she wants
children?
The youngest daughter of a friend of mine
developed severe biopolar disorder in
highschool. She didn't go to college
(broke her parents' hearts), kind of
wandered around. Eventually she found a
guy, got pregnant and said she wanted the
baby. So there was a wedding ceremony and
the two of them moved into my friend's
house. The daughter has tried to be as
good a mom as she can but she's unstable
(not that she would kill her child)--she
goes through very high highs and very low
lows and cycles pretty quickly. She's
taking meds and doing what she can but
it's my friend and her mom that are
raising this child. I don't even think
the father is still in the picture.
So, the question is, suppose you get
married. First off, I don't remember your
saying who would support the family (I
thought you wanted to go to school). It
isn't cheap to live in Americal and it's
very difficult for a family to eat cheap,
since childhood is when good, nourishing
food and a nourishing family is most
urgently needed. Give them a good start
and they're on they're way.
Mormons believe in BIG families, whether
or not they can support them. My brother
married one so I can speak from
experience. Two of his younger children
have problems: one is a juvenile diabetic
that wears an insulin pump all the time,
the second has Attention Deficiency
Disorder. I don't know of very many
Mormon women who hold down jobs outside
the family (don't know enough about them,
only my experience). My brother's wife
gives sewing and piano lessons and that
brings in some, but not much. Not like
working with computers or being a teacher.
As I understand it, the purpose of a
Mormon woman is to have a family. Period.
Is this what you want?
Put aside the entire Mormon
discussion--you don't know how the unborn
child will turn out until it does.
Ultrasounds may give physical clues, but
not mental or emotional. You may not find
those out for years. Parenthood is a big
gamble and is definitely not to be entered
into lightly.
Life is a probablility but you get through
it every day.
My friend, I still think you have stars in
your eyes--that all you need to do is to
be with her and everything will work
itself out. It may or may not. Please
slow down with this and take your time.
Take some long walks and do some thinking
about this. Talk to other people, a
trusted friend, a former teacher, a member
of the clergy? This is a very, very big
step that you're considering taking and it
still doesn't appear that you have
something very strong to stand on. I
don't want to see you slide down a rough
hill and have your heart broken further.
I have a friend who has a low-grade type
of depression called "dysthymia". We used
to be so close, now I feel like I've been
pushed completely away. I've purchased a
book, written for non-medical people,
about it to help me understand what he's
going through.
Maybe you can find some books in the
library about what she's going through to
at least educate yourself on it.
Write back, and thanks for the lessons!
One other thing: Do people in various
parts of Russia have differenct accents
like they do here? Do they have different
words for things than you? Makes it
interesting to try and have a
conversation.
For example, in many parts of the country,
the generic name for a soft drink (like
Coca-Cola) is "soda". I grew up calling
it "pop". We all did where I grew up.
Well, I visited someone 1000 miles away
and he offered me a soda. Where I grew
up, a "soda" was pop with a scoop of ice
cream in it (we also called it a "float"
because the ice cream floated on top of
the pop). So he offers me a soda and I
ask him if he has ice cream. He again
offers me a soda and again I ask him if he
has ice cream. This happens a couple of
more times and he asked me what the deal
is with the ice cream. I said that's what
a soda is: pop with ice cream. He asked
(quite sincerely), "What's pop"?
They say that Great Britian and US are two
countries separated by the same language.
They're RIGHT!
One last thing: the History Channel (one
of our cable channels) had an hour TV
program about Russia. I came in at Peter
the Great. It was very interesting.
Catherine the Great's Winter Palace was
spectacular! I would love to see it!
Anyway, good luck, think deeply about
this, and keep posting.
My relationships with her go on.She misses
me strongly.
Recently I talked with her granddad.It was
kinda difficult to get his Michigan
accent.After all he decided that my
religous belief in God is not so strong as
it should be.He wanted to see me and to
talk to me.
The real problem is that my girl have
more than romantic feelings to me,but she
craves to be close to me.In Russian
culture the girls usually try to be
passive,not active.It seems to me that
american girl are more open in their
feelings.She told me that american guys
wanna have submissive house wifes
and often beat them cruel.
|
Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 07-19-07 12:25pm
tempus
wrote:
My relationships with her go
on.She misses me strongly.
Recently I talked with her granddad.It was
kinda difficult to get his Michigan
accent.After all he decided that my
religous belief in God is not so strong as
it should be.He wanted to see me and to
talk to me.
The real problem is that my girl have
more than romantic feelings to me,but she
craves to be close to me.In Russian
culture the girls usually try to be
passive,not active.It seems to me that
american girl are more open in their
feelings.She told me that american guys
wanna have submissive house wifes
and often beat them
cruel.
there are a lot of
agressive women here but its a good thing
sometimes. Not all men in the United
States are like that, but there are many.
|
entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Posted: 07-19-07 18:32pm
My friend:
This is *really* starting to get scary.
How did you talk to her grandfather? Who
brought up the subject of religion and how
could he have the nerve to tell you about
your spiritual belief system? It sounds
like you accepted what he said.
We women who have posted to you speak from
experience about long-distance
relationships and things not being as they
seem. We're not holding anything back
from you about how wicked people can be
(and I'm not saying that your
long-distance friend is wicked) via the
Internet.
The fact that every time you write I read
your misgivings (fears, concerns) about
her and the cultural divide you're coming
up against. Most American women now do
speak their minds about things. My mom's
generation (she was born in the 1930s) was
pretty much the last generation where
women were expected to be
submissive/passive. I "came of age" in
the 1970s when the "Wonen's Liberation"
movement came into exiistence and the
roles of men and women in US changed
radically. Women no longer are shy little
flowers when it comes to relationships and
romance, they pursue as much as they are
pursued.
There are some schools of thought in
society/religion/region where, if a person
(man/woman) isn't married by a certain age
there is a tremendous amount of pressure
put on that person to find a spouse at all
costs. I speak from experience--a family
member of mine was chased by an old
girlfriend from secondary school who
belonged to a belief system where she
would be actively shunned if she wasn't
married by her early 20s. She got what
she wanted--he allowed her to trap him by
getting her pregnant. Not the best way to
get a man but it worked. They've been
married for 27 years and she's the one who
rules the house.
Some American men want submissive women
but that's because they're insecure and
want more of a slave than an equal. Many
American women wouldn't settle for that
(this one definitely would not). A
healthy relationship is built by equals,
not by a master and a slave.
You can't resolve this situation from
half-way across the world, communicating
with each other only periodically. Using
a WebCam is *not* the same as being
physically present with someone through
the good times and the bad.
Listen to yourself. Re-read your posts.
Your common sense is giving you all kinds
of warning signs. It's easy to throw
those things out the window where matters
of the heart are concerned but in your
posts they keep coming back.
What would you say to a friend who was
going through this situation? Think about
it, really think about it.
My american girlfriend plans to go with
her mom to Moscow at March to meet me.I'm
really happy with this.
One thing that bothers me is that she has
some other health problems.
She has a slight dislexia and some
problems in memorizing the long texts.And
the most serious is that she has
hypoglicemia.In her family her granddad
and her mom have mild diabetis type 2.The
other relatives do not have such
problems.She was diagnozed with it at 3
years. How can the hypoglicemia can be
managed? She told me that if she would not
take some sugar she can develop
hypoglicemic coma.Is it serious?
|
entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Things Looking Up? Posted: 07-27-07 06:56am
First off, congratulations on an upcoming
visit. Please don't look forward too much
to it, though. March is still a very long
way off and something could up either with
you or with her and she might not be able
to come visit. Enjoy the excitement right
now but be realistic soon.
As far as dyslexia goes, what's the
problem? Lots of people have dyslexia and
get through life just fine. Plus, the low
blood sugar (hypoglycemia) should be no
problem either if she has medications to
take and sticks to them. I have
depression and will be on meds the rest of
my life. As long as I take my meds
everything is fine.
Everyone has health problems. Some are
congenital (inherited) some develop along
the way (wait until you hit 50! ).
Most health problems can be managed with
medication but if the patient won't take
of him/herself the doctor or the meds
can't help.
You might suggest that she start learning
some elementary Russian so that she can
get along without you having to translate
everything for her. I assume you'll
introduce her to your friends. In the
event that she gets separated from you
(say you're in a crowd) she needs to know
language on how to find you. If she cares
for you as much as you think she does she
should take the initiative to learn some
of your language. She has enough time.
Well,she's really in love with me.But
she's still concern about her past.She's
trying to forget the things that happend
to her,but she can't. He stepdad broke her
trust,loose her virginity, hurt her pride,
and deprive her as a person.
She is now thinking if she could forgive
him,but confess that she can't do it.
I think if she couldn't get thru this
mess,she could be an ordinary american
girl and could marry an american guy.But
it happend.
How can a girl overcome this memories of
violence? Is it possible at all.
You,in my country there's still a common
opinion that guy should marry the
virgin.But I think that if girl has such a
story,it doesn't mean that she is lost.
If a person becomes a victim of a crime
due to things that one can't fight against
it's not her fault.So she is innocent
victim.
I Moscow I have several friends among the
russian girls and I know several
virgins.But they just have some interest
in me,not more.American girl is
desperately in love with me because she
thought that all her hopes to get married
a good guy ruined due to her bad fortune.
|
entices1
Supporter
Joined: 25 Apr 2007 Posts: 120 Location: North Florida, USA
Posted: 08-04-07 19:42pm
Tempus, tempus, tempus...
What am I going to do with you?
She *says* she's in love with you--you two
have never met! You say she's your "soul
mate" but you haven't spent not one day
together. You, my dear, are an incurable
romantic. You want to be the Knight In
Shing Armor Wanting To Rescue Damsels In
Distress. It doesn't always work out that
way, I'm sorry to say.
I'm sorry about the terrible things that
happened in her past. She has to deal
with it in a positive way that will help
her grow as a person. I was almost raped
many years ago but got away (and have a
couple of hidden physical scars to show
it). I could have either let that make me
hate all men or realize that some men are
just sick and insecure to use sex as a way
of exerting power over someone. You've
never mentioned whether or not she's
seeking (or sought) professional help. If
her past is as terrible as you indicate
she needs more help than you can ever give
her. Without that I don't know that your
relationship would be as "normal" (for
lack of a better word) as you want it to
be.
Since you have some female friends, have
you talked to them about this (any that
you feel you can trust)? What do they
say? Women are women regardless of where
they come from and they'll pretty much
give you the same advice. There can be no
real relationship until she gets herself
in better emotional condition.
Unfortunately, love cannot conquer all,
otherwise there would be no spousal abuse,
no elder or child abuse, no alcoholism, no
drug abuse, no war, nothing terrible. But
it just doesn't work that way.
What would you tell a friend if he or she
came to you with this problem?
.
. I studied French
in elementary, secondary and university
(can't remember much anymore) but the
letters were the same.
