Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Posts: 225 Location: , Australia
telling son who his father is Posted: 03-11-08 01:25am
Wondering if I could get a bit of advice
here.
My story: At 13 years of age my girlfriend
had my baby. We were far to young and knew
that so my mother adopted my son and
raises him with my step dad and alongside
my half brother who's only two years older
than my son.
My girlfriend at the time gave away her
rights and my mother adopted him however I
still have my rights. My boy has no idea
about any of this, he's only 5 years old
now.
So something that plagues my mind a lot
is, When should I tell him? How should
I? and should I at all?
I see him as my son so it's something I'd
really like to do, tell him the truth.
But I'm unconvinced if it's the right
thing to do by him.
?
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mlynn
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 28 Dec 2007 Posts: 35
Thanks: 18
Thanked:0
Posted: 08-14-08 16:23pm
The truth is ALWAYS the right thing to do.
It will be hard for you but it will be the
best thing in the end especially for this
child. Please tell this boy NOW....before
it's too late. He needs to grow up secure
and secrets like this ALWAYS have a way of
coming out. Do you want your son to find
out because a family member had a slip of
the tounge? Do you want him to wake up one
day and realize that everyone he has ever
trusted has betrayed him by keeping the
BIGGEST aspect of who he is (his biology)
a "secret"?
Secret's will only harbor resentment and
hurt feelings....your son may never trust
you again if he finds out he has been
living his whole life as a "lie". Telling
him now will give you years to formulate a
healthy father son relationship with him
and help build trust. The longer you
wait...the worse it will get. You ARE
still legally his father. He has no other
father (legally) besides you. You are on
his birth cert...correct? If your mom
legally adopted him...then she would be on
his BC as his legal mother as well...how
will you explain that one to him one day?
What happens when he needs that BC to get
a passport or a drivers liscence or
ID...or if he just finds it one day (which
happens a lot to adoptee's) while riffling
through some things in the house? Do you
want that to be how he finds out?
There are some good books for explaining
adoption to children....they can be found
on amazon....search, read, and then come
up with a plan. You are a legal adult now
and a parent....and your actions....will
have a PROFOUND life long effect on that
boy for the rest of his life.....your
actions will shape who is is....who he
becomes.....and how he feels about
himself. Everything a parent does...has an
impact on a child....and if this boy grows
up as a secret he will feel unloved and
abandoned and trust will be zero. You have
the power to give that boy security, self
esteem, the ability to trust, and the
ability to love....and you also have the
power to take all those things away from
him. Ask yourself what kind of man you
want him to grow up to be.
