Joined: 25 Apr 2008 Posts: 25 Location: Portland, OR USA
When to call it quits? Posted: 05-04-08 22:37pm
so i'm 19. I've been with my husband for a
year and a half almost, we've been married
for about 8 months now. He's the first guy
i dated, first guy i kissed etc. So theres
a strong connection between us.
But. I'm confused. I'm still hurting from
his cheating on me. (long story shot he
promised to stop it if i said i couldnt
handle it and when i tried he refused. it
was a painfull two months to be in a
threeway relationship with his ex, and
hearing him say he loved her, and then to
see them and be involved in the sex. I
didnt want to be involved but i put aside
it all because it was either i do it or i
would loose him. I hate it all. (no he
never threatened that if i didnt do theses
things he'd leave me. I just assumed
because he was a weird person then.) (and
this is a VERY summerized version of the
story..)
its been nearly a year since that happened
and I still havent forgiven him, nor do i
trust him. its made me tighten the reins
so to speak..i'm controlling, and we fight
all the time over the stupidest of things.
and i get violent often hitting him
because as i say every time i want him I'm
bi-polar and have hard time controlling my
moods...at times i get violent..but i
never used to be angry untill all that
crap happened.
he says he loves me with all his heart and
wants to grow old with me, but all i can
think of when he says that is how he
promised it all once before and took it
all back and put me through hell for
something from his past.
more and more often i think of leaving, i
try leaving but i realize i have no where
to go adn that i'd miss him. i cant tell
if its love of the fact i've grown used to
having him around and it would scare me to
not have that.
Theres times when i love him yes..but then
theres times when i feel nothing but pain
and end up crying when he says he loves
me.
does this all mean its over? or is it
possible to still save it? I dont want to
hurt him, i'd rather be unhappy the rest
of my life then to see him hurting.
|
elle2389
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 02 May 2008 Posts: 3
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probably not what you want to hear but... Posted: 05-04-08 23:04pm
Men like this don't hurt forever. You are
your only priority.
You haven't built a family (or well, you
haven't mentioned that you have) with this
man yet so I would say... Yes, this should
DEFINITELY be the end.
These feelings of pain, jealousy,
(painful) nostalgia, etc. most likely will
not go away with him.. Or will take a very
long time to heal over. And I believe
(from many, many personal experiences),
once a cheater.. ALWAYS a cheater!!!
Plus, it's difficult if this has been your
only serious relationship to decipher your
feelings into: true "love of your life
love that you couldn't bare losing" OR you
do love him but it's also more of a fear
to be detached from someone you have so
many memories with, etc..
Personally, I think you're a really young
girl and deserve to feel feelings of
freedom and happiness and you should
experience what others have to offer at
this point in your life!
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-08-08 08:29am
When is enough enough. . . When you know
you don't want to live the rest of your
life with him, thinking of what he did
everyday. When you think about spending
the rest of your life with a grudge
against him and hating him for what he
did. When you think of spending years with
someone who treated you like you were next
to nothing and didn't seem to feel bad.
When you think about spending the rest of
your life with someone who was so
disrespectful towards you that was
supposed to treat you like a queen.
You will think of all these things for the
rest of your life. Do you want to live
with it?
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