Wife's temper in front of kids Posted: 04-27-08 22:42pm
I know a first step in any relationship is
to look at yourself, but I'm now
completely at a loss with how to raise
children with a wife who says anything and
everything in front of our children (17,
16, 10, and 6). We've had difficulty with
our 16 yr old since he was very young, and
the arguments that he and my wife get into
are horrendous. The problem escalates
through the roof when my wife perceives
that I am 'not backing her up'. I err on
her 'side' as much as possible, especially
in front of the children, but sometimes I
just can't bring myself to blindly support
her rage. Example: this morning on the
way to church my wife began yelling at our
10 yr old for leaving his scooter out in
the yard and made him get out and put it
away. The 16 yr old (who had spent the
night at a church event without food and
sleeping outside to raise awareness for
the homeless) commented 'wow, I was
happier homeless' in response to my wife's
temper display. Wife immediately pounced
on this and yelled at him about his
rudeness, and I stated that his comment
was not very bright and was inappropriate.
About two minutes went by in silence,
then wife lays into 16 yr old again. 'So
you'd rather be homeless? Get out right
now'. This was repeated in some form with
increasing volume all the way to church.
The kid shouldn't have made his remark,
though I took it as a poor attempt at
humor and an indirect disrespect.
However, wife responded with
disproportionate fury and is now even more
furious that I told her (in private) that
though I agree the kid's comment was
wrong, she was also wrong in some of the
things she said.
Problem: Marriage counseling has never
worked in 17 years together. I am being
held hostage to this dysfunction because I
love my children and love being a dad. If
I leave she gets the kids. If I leave the
kids will be even more hurt. Is there a
way to make her get help that works or be
able to raise my children without her.
She doesn't work, but we have enough money
(I'm an Army officer with over twenty
years of service). I've thought about
moving out and living in our fifth wheel.
Anyone been through something like this?
It's easy to say 'put your foot down' but
the reality is that when someone wants to
behave badly you can't just beat them into
submission - at least not in a family.
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eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 348
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Posted: 04-27-08 23:34pm
It sounds as though your wife is a very,
very unhappy person. Has she always been
this way? If you have tried counseling and
it did not work, get your kids out of this
dysfunctional lifestyle. Coming from a
dysfunctional home myself, I am very
bitter that my mother raised three
children with an abusive husband and
father. Your children come first - this
abuse is unhealthy and could affect them
later in life. Do your children ever
confide in you about this problem? PLEASE
put your children first!
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Beline
Supporter
Joined: 01 Mar 2008 Posts: 426 Location: , South Africa
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Posted: 04-28-08 14:53pm
I have to agree with Eeyore. As far as I
know your children are old enough to
choose with whom they want to live after
the divorce.
You as their father have the
responsibility to supply them with a
stable, loving environment to grow up in.
You are in my thoughts.
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eeyore46
Experienced User , Rather EHEALTHy
Joined: 16 Apr 2008 Posts: 348
Thanks: 23
Thanked:0
Posted: 04-28-08 18:01pm
I thought the statement from your son
about being homeless was very appropriate,
after the church event he attended the
night before. After all, wasn't that what
it was for - to raise awareness! I think
someone should have also reminded your
wife of where the family was going
(church) at the time this was taking
place. Is she listening at church, or
just attending? I feel sorry for the
children. You are an adult, make the
right decision for your children. Tell
her of your plans, and see if maybe she
will then seek help.
