i am 35 years old dating a 45 year old
man. he is raising two girls on his own.
his exwife has almost nothing to do with
them. she has seen them about two times in
the past 5 months and she lives in the
same town. they have been divorced a
couple years and she gets 1500.00 a month
alimony. she was diagnosed with ms right
before the divorce, although i don't
believe she has any major symptoms as of
yet. she works part time, and pays him
50.00 a week child support. the problem is
that he is always broke. they never have
money for food or gas. i have lent him my
credit card twice and can't do it anymore.
the last time he charged up 1000.00 in
just a few weeks, paying for his electric
bills, gas, food, phone, etc. i own my own
home and my mortgage payment is pretty
high, so i myself and barely surviving. i
can support myself, but no one else. i
don't have kids. i have put that off until
the time is feels right. he keeps saying
he is taking his ex back to court, i am
losing my patience. i love him but i don't
know if that's enough. i want to have nice
things and be able to travel. like i said,
i can do that now, but i can't pay for all
of them. his 13 year old is very
disrepectful to him. she is very
materialistic and it drives me crazy
listening to her whine buy me this buy me
that. do they know he is broke because of
their mother?? she does drugs and drinks
alot and goes on alot of trips with her
boyfriend. when they go on vacation, my
boyfriend doesn't get her measley 50.00 a
week because she is on vacation, not
working. just doesnt seem fair. he is a
super nice guy and in a perfect world, i
would have met him years ago and we'd be
raising well mannered children.
guess i am confused because i want to be
with him, but the circumstances don't seem
that fair. if he didn't have to pay the
almimony, we'd still have issues with the
one daughter....not sure if i can deal
with all this. am i wasting my time?
help!!!!!!! please. i am getting older and
need to figure my future out!!
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Willa Weintraub
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Posts: 3399 Location: The Beach!
Thanks: 30
Thanked:46
Posted: 05-22-08 10:06am
Well, have you spoken to him about this? I
think the two of you need to sit down and
have a nice long talk about where things
are going. It's nice to be in love but in
this situation things will soon turn sour
if it keeps up.
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Rosie H
Extremely EHEALTHy
Joined: 11 Jun 2007 Posts: 1136 Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Thanks: 17
Thanked:7
Posted: 05-28-08 16:47pm
unless you two are married I dont see the
need for you to support him or his
daughters. Do you live together? If you
live together then I can see why you are
paying for a lot of the expenses. But did
he ask you to help or did you just offer?
Also what do you want? Do you want to deal
with difficult teenagers? Do you want to
deal with a lazy ex-wife? Can you see
yourself being a wife and mother to this
family? If not then maybe you should
rethink the relationship. From your posts
you dont sound too happy.
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emailus
New User, Becoming EHEALTHy
Joined: 27 May 2008 Posts: 9
Posted: 05-28-08 17:20pm
My bf and I do things so differently,
personally and financially,
that we may never be able to formally
marry. But we do hang out
and have a ocmmitted relationship. We love
each other very much,
but we respect each other's different
ways, spaces and opinions.
Just stick to what you do together that
you both agree to.
If you don't agree to certain problems or
repsonsilibilities that are his,
then make it clear. You don't have to
judge or feel judged, but just
no that's where you draw th eline.
The same way people can keep their music
to themselves or
decorate their rooms however they want,
you have to separate
what is his space, his problems, his
finances from yours.
get hte equivalent of a "prenup" if you
have to.
But make it clear whose life and whose
mess is whose.
Do not take on things that are not yours
or you don't agree to.
And whatever is left can work out just
fine.
I agree it may take a counselor to iron
out the details.
the good news is that once you set
boundaries,
you may also set a good example for him
and his daughters
to follow. If not, you can't help that.
But you can help whther or not you stand
up and
communicate for yourself. Do that much and
the
rest is not your fault or responsibility.
Be honest
and that's all you owe to yourself or
anybody.
TAke care and just stick to what is true
and right for you.
If he does the same, he won't be in his
mess either!
