Medical Abortion Forum - 14 year old daughter pregnant


14 year old daughter pregnant

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worriedmunofteen

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14 year old daughter pregnant Posted: 03-29-08 09:34am


After 2 years of worry over the stupid choices my daughter has been making with hr life, i find out this monring she is preganant!!! She is 14!! This is a girl that has everything handed to her her whole life!!! Our family is high profile in our small comunity. We are comfortable financially, my husbnad and i are still openly inlove and live under the same roof and she has an older brother that treats her fine.... I dont blame myself, we have been trying to cope with her rebellious behaviour since she was 2 1/2!!! But goodness me, will she learn from this or will termination her her new form of birthcontrol. By the way, the bf is 19!! Age if concent is 16 in australia - so we have that whole issue as well. We had no ide she was doing this. We suspected she was sneaking out at night... but short of baracading the house, we did all we could!!! She will be aborting it... much to my horror as i selfiishly cant wait for grandkids... but i can deffinately wait until she is old enough. My daughter is a beautiful and i mean beautiful, tiny little darling with gorgeous hair and beautiful blue eyes, ruby red lips...... she lost all her baby fat in April last year overnight and we have been fighting the boys away ever since.. Now the reason for my post... Are there any other mothers in a similar situation as me.... I would really appreciate a kindred spirit while coping with this situation. No one understands unless you have lived it. even the doctors admit to that.. They cant help unless they have daughters the same.... So anyone else out there living this nightmare!!!!!!

PenguinsRus

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Posted: 03-29-08 10:40am


I know this is quite a shock, but you have to sit down and talk to your daughter about this. Unfortunately, this is her body and this is her choice. She is probably just as upset and scared as you are. Can you maybe take her on a picnic in the park or somewhere you mutually enjoy and sit down with her? She has 3 options : abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby. A parent cannot force their child to have an abortion even if it is what seems best at the time. Having a baby at age 14 can be risky. If she decides she wants to give the baby up for adoption or keep it, I would recommend going to a doctor with her and having him evaluate her and let her know the risks of continuing the pregnancy so she can make a well informed decision. I know you are scared, but right now you have to be there for your daughter and support her the best you can. Also, I would recommend getting her on birth control after this. If she has sex now, chances are that she will continue to. Humans are sexual beings. Instead of telling her sex is a terrible act, I think it would be more beneficial to the both of you to inform her about protection from stds via condoms and get her on birth control so this does not happen again. Once a teen has her mind set about something like sex, she probably won't change it, so it's better she is protected and at least informed and knows she can talk to you if she has any problems. I'm sorry if this post isn't what you wanted to hear, but I think that both you and your daughter deserve to form a bond over this and will hopefully grow to understand each other and trust each other more. I know it sounds like a nightmare, but it will pass and calm down as time goes on. One day you will look back on it, and it will be just something else you have gone through to make you stronger. I'm sorry that I cannot be of more help. I hope that things with your daughter smooth over soon and that the two of you get the support you need. I know you are both going through hard and scary times, and if you need anyone to talk to as you go through this tough process we are all here for you at ehealthforum.

mt788

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Posted: 03-29-08 11:01am


I'm not in your situation but like PenguinsRus pointed out, I'm sure your daughter is just as scared and nervous that this has happened (underneith that rebelious exterior). The fact that you haven't abandoned her is already showing what a great mother you are, most teens have to face unbearable scrutiny from their parents for something they most likely were not intending to happen in the first place! It is very unfair, and I wish more parents proved to be as supportive as you appear to be of your daughter. I am 20 but I know my mother would never talk to me again for letting the family down (I am the first to finally make it to university, and am therefore the hope of the family...). Good luck with everything.

Carifairy

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Posted: 03-29-08 11:56am


She does need to be on BC pills.. MANY 14 year olds believe myths that PULLING out during sex, or that having sex on your period means that you cannot get pregnant. You should educate her about sexuality, birth control, and issues relating to sex. She does need to know how to protect herself.

worriedmunofteen

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Posted: 03-29-08 12:17pm


Thank you so much for your respsonses... I agree with the support thing. But i have supported my daughter in her stupid decisions her whole life. Ive always been there for her and we do have a great relationship. We have talked out it a great deal. Ive reassured her i love her and we will help her through this - thats she not alone. Shes cried for hours and hours. She a very lucky girl in that not only does she have the support of her family, but extended family and close friends also. Shes a lovely girl, and beautiful child with a very kind heart, i just dont understand what she is rebelling against. Ive talked to her about councelling in the past to see if she can bring out whatver underlying issues there are that make her do these things.... Funny, we got her script for the pill yesterday morning... too late!!! hahaha We will get through this, but its my daughter that has to carry the emotional burden of it and the all over the place horemones!! Poor Kid!! Weve been to the doctor last month and he have her the lecture on STDs and pregnancy. Theyve always used condoms, but it broke. How easy was that!! Fertile little thing she is!!! Rest assured, she has the emotional support, all the medical care she needs.... Im just hoping that she gets through it ok. I was a very good mum, the first thing i did was cuddle and kiss her and told her that everything would be ok.... we did talk and talk. I even talked to the father of the grain of rice (we dont call it a baby as it wont be one). Just wondering if other mums have had this problem???

preggie meggie

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Posted: 03-29-08 13:05pm


Im sorry I seem to have missed whos idea was it for the abortion? Yours or hers?

PenguinsRus

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Posted: 03-29-08 13:09pm


That is good that you are so supportive and such a great mom to your daughter. However, out of curiosity, how do you see her getting pregnant as rebelling? Since you said you were about to get her on the pill and she was well educated about protection; she used a condom. It just broke, which is scary and unfortunate but sometimes happens. If she was trying her best to be protected with what she had before getting on the pill though, I'm not sure how that is an act of rebellion. Does she know about the plan b pill? If taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex/broken condoms, it greatly reduces the chance of pregnancy. If she ever has a scare again, maybe she should invest in a box of these pills just in case. Good luck and I hope the two of you get through this together. Thanks for being such a strong supportive mom; tons of scared pregnant teens are out there wishing they had a mom this understanding and concerned.

Fairy*Godmother

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*Hi Sweetie! Me FairyGodmother** Posted: 03-29-08 14:01pm


I have a daughter who will be 25 this year. I do not know where you are, nor the rules/laws of parenthoo there, or who has the authority to make the decision of aobortion(you or your daughter). With that said, I totally understand how you feel and why you feel she is rebelling. But, actually rebelling has NOTHING to do with this. She is giong through puberty and feels she has to explore her own sexuality. Ask yourself these questions, if given the choice of finding out she is pregnant...or: A)Would you rather she had ran away and not told you? B) Start hanging with the wrong crow and get addicted to meth, loose her own self identify, let alone make you wonder where she is, is she safe,who she is with, is she ok, is she in pain,is she eating, does she have warm bed to sleep in. C) Or stop communicating wiht you at all? My own daughter was in school on scholarship and grants. She threw is all away becasue she met a doctors son who introduced her to meth.cocaine. Depleted her savings account and there were weeks at a time I had no idea where she was. She lost a tremendous amount of weight and her teeth took its toll from the meth. She has now been clean for two years. I have paid for her teeth to be put back into healthy shape. She holds a job and is about ot go back to school. ALl I can tell you is keep communication open and make damned sure she knows you are not only her Mother but her freind and you are the one who cares more about her in this life than anyone. It broke my heart to thinks of htis precoius little child being pregnant, so yes, I can understand where you are coming from. This would put a damper on her education and life. But, even thought you mentioned coming from an influential neighborhood....who gives a rats ass what anyone thinks? When it comes to your children, doesnt' matter where you reside, you can still be there for the love and support she's going to need. I do hope she will make the right choice and be allowed to live the life of a 14 year old and not that of a Mother just yet...........but if that not be the choice, I do hope you will support her and this 'little grain of rice" with all the love you have....... BUT THATS JUST MY OPINION!

Carifairy

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Posted: 03-29-08 14:10pm


This is NOT your fault!! Teens are having sex, and while YOU know how to handle yourself because you are an experienced adult , a lot of teens do not fully understand. This does not make you a bad mom! You sound like an EXTREMELY CARING MOM, someone who is trying her best to make her daughters life better.

worriedmunofteen

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Posted: 03-30-08 04:31am


Thanks again, especially fairy godmother for sharing the story of your daughter. My husband and i always refered to the worst three.... 1. Pregnancy, 2. Drug addicting and 3. Suisidal. We always hoped we would have preganacy of the three as we can help with that. SHe chose an abortion herself... but the longer she has to think about it the harder decision it is. After watching Juno though especially. I really feel for you fairy godmother - how did you cope and be well enough emotionally to be stable to support your daughter. I know its me that has to be the strong one in this and i am so surprised at how calm ive been. My husbnad has said "Where did you come from and what have you done with my wife" I mean like Im really calm. But i suppose that does come from knowing we have done everything!!! Her nievity ruled our the morning after pill - but we dont have the same one in Australia that you guys have in the states. We are thinking about sending her to boarding school for a fresh start. Her choice. Away from all those bad influences.... She wants to concentrate on her studies and stop being buried under the rubbish of her life at the moment.... Time will tell. But we are coping as best we can.... Thanks for your help and reassurance!!! Jodi

Tylanas

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Posted: 04-01-08 07:47am


Well the biggest thing you can remind her in regards to this is how dangerous it is for someone her age to give birth. She could die! Reinforce to her why she's making this decision: her health, her future life, and her dreams. She has SO much to live for! She's beautiful inside and outside as you've said; there's no sense in her being ruined emotionally or physically because of a broken condom. I just closed the book on my year of rebellion yesterday - and for an hour or two I was apparently getting rather close to being arrested!! Not THAT close; but it still scared the crap out of me. Let's just say, old bills that weren't my fault and collection agencies that need to be hung. I got yelled at by my dad, spent the day as a zombie even though it was all over, and tried not to cry all over everyone. I pretty much spent the day wandering campus alone until my night class. By the time the class was over... I was ok. Even kinda happy. I called my parents again, and everything is ok now.

Carifairy

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Posted: 04-01-08 11:14am


You cannot be arrested for collections and debt :/ Who told you that?

Tylanas

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Posted: 04-01-08 18:28pm


The debt collector. They were going to add the money I "hadn't" paid to "the court fee". My dad then called them and called me back, thankfully they got my money order (which they wouldn't shut up long enough for me to explain) and he told me he was ready to let them arrest me (just because he was upset). I could have been because I said I would have money in my account and didn't, so I "lied" and thus could be arrested.

worriedmunofteen

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Posted: 04-02-08 01:29am


Blimy Eiri!!! That is a bit scary!!! No wonder you were a zombie for a while!!! YOu guys have some weird laws there in America!!

Jules

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Posted: 04-02-08 02:32am


Hey worriedmumofteen, we have similar things in this country - if you have a county court judgement against you and the claimant obtains an Order to Attend Court for Questioning against you and you don't attend - you can get 7 days in prison for that. You can also go to prison for non payment of council tax. You can not be arrested for non payment of other civil debts though, just pursued through the county courts. I'm sure Moo will correct me if I've got that wrong lol!

Moo

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Posted: 04-02-08 06:36am

Jules wrote:

Hey worriedmumofteen, we have similar things in this country - if you have a county court judgement against you and the claimant obtains an Order to Attend Court for Questioning against you and you don't attend - you can get 7 days in prison for that. You can also go to prison for non payment of council tax.

You can not be arrested for non payment of other civil debts though, just pursued through the county courts.

I'm sure Moo will correct me if I've got that wrong lol!

Yup (although it's not strictly my area lol ).

How are things with your daughter now? Has she decided what she will be doing with the pregnancy?

jujujellybean

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Posted: 04-15-08 22:29pm


what happened with ur daughter? Did she abort the baby?